s w e e t a c h e『 jikook 』

f o r t y - o n e

isn't it annoying how i always change povs like i change my bias each day

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jungkook's pov

"there he goes...to the love of his life," hoseok dramatically said as if he was playing a role in a shakespeare or some shit. i squinted my eyes as i watched him fake a sob.

"oh, god. why don't you just tell him you like him?"

"and ruin our friendship? hell nah."

"oh, well." i shrugged and stood up from the couch. "i tried my best."

"oh, no you don't." hoseok caught me by my ankle before i could even go the the bathroom to wash my face.

"the hell, hyung?!" luckily, i managed to balance myself. well...all that dancing actually amounts to something.

"i almost fell!"

"you haven't told me or taehyung about what happened with jimin just yet." he gave me a stern look as he tightened his grip on my ankle. i looked away from his eyes that knew me so well. i also knew damn well mine were screaming, "i love park jimin" like that's the only thing they're capable of besides my sense of sight. though with jimin, i'm merely considered blind.

"it's nothing to talk about..." i mumbled, removing his grasp on my ankle as easy as taking a breath and then started walking away.

"i'm not so sure about that." hoseok hurriedly stood up and blocked my way to the bathroom.

"ah, hyung!" i whined. "there's nothing to say!"

"you look too irritated for it to be 'nothing'!"

"well, it is if i say so!"

"stop lying, jungkook. i've known you for years. just tell me."

"why are you so nosy?!" i groaned and made my way to the bathroom by pushing hobi away.

"why do you and taehyung keep secrets from me?!"

"i don't have to tell you guys about everything!"

and with that, i slammed the door in his face, feeling guilty for pushing one of my best friends away but i knew i had to. i wasn't ready to talk about it. heck, i couldn't even accept it for myself yet. there's just too much to think about and so many things still left unanswered.

and i just did what i do best: wait. and hopefully, my friends are up to the task of doing the same thing for me.

i laid on my bed, right arm over my forehead. sighing, i let myself get drowned in my own thoughts back to the night before.

jimin refused to speak any more after he stopped crying at the park. and i didn't want to push the topic any further. i knew i should've been madㅡand yes, maybe a part of me wasㅡbut i had to give him the time he needed to try and find the right words to explain what he has done and also time for me to let all of this sink into my brain.

when did he find out i write about him on the internet? how does he feel about it? did he get mad when he found out? is that why he's been acting cold towards me? is that why he started treating me like a stranger all over again? why doesn't he want me to tell the truth about how i feel for him when he already knows it? did he ever mean any of what he said as hazy? did he ever even actually like me as hazy? when he said he did, did he mean it as a "fan" or did he actually want to be with me, know everything about me and hold me? did he already know who i was when he said those words in the first place?

all these questions and nothing came out of my mouth. because i chose to wait for him, even though i've had been waiting for a long time.

there's nothing much to say about why but the most evident reason; i love him no matter what he did, no matter what i know he's still capable of doing to me.

"jungkook..." he spoke so weakly it almost sounded like a mumble. he turned around to face me as soon as we reached the door to his apartment, giving me a long stare of uncertainty and something else i couldn't decipher.

"...i just want you to know that there's a reason for everything i've done. and it may not be an excuseㅡi mean, i shouldn't even be saying excuses since it's all my faultㅡ" he let out a bitter laugh and started fiddling with his fingers. "it may not be something you've expected and i can't really bring myself to tell you right now. but i just don't want you to hate me although you've every right to do so."

"no, jimin. i don't hate you. why would i ever hate the man iㅡ"

i tried to caress his cheek but he stepped back, his back hitting the door. i apologized, clearing my throat. he suddenly looked even more distant. i knew i shouldn't have done that. not only did i try to touch him again without his accord, i also almost said the word he seemed to hate so much.

but how can somebody hate love?

especially when that person deserves all the fucking love in the world?

"i'm sorry," he said back before leaving me.