I'm Alive | Fifth Harmony - Camren Fanfiction

Chapter 19

A/N: this chapter contains talk of depression, so if you feel this will trigger you in anyway or if you aren't comfortable with this theme then you don't have to read this chapter you can skip it. Be nice to yourselves you are all amazing and be strong.

(Edited)

"Lo?" She asked once again, this time more frantically.

"Camz?" Lauren whispered, her throat cracking like glass shattering.

"What? ...I do not remember what happened." Camila mumbled.

"You........ you ...... you-overdosed but that doesn't matter what matters is that you're okay," Lauren said quickly.

Camila shook her head, No.

"But I'm not okay am I?" Camila said quietly and Lauren was too stunned to answer.

It never shocked or came to her surprise that Camila wasn't 'okay' but to hear Camila say that herself was a different thing.

"You'll get through this, we will all be right by your side,"Lauren reassured, desperately trying to get some sort of reaction from her.

"Will we? ...Will I get through this? Is there any point at all?" Camila replied blandly almost with no emotion to her tone.

"You will get through this, I know you can. I know you." Lauren said trying to reassure you.

"Ask yourself that question again." Camila said, trying to sound strong but coming off weak.

"W-what?" Lauren said, confused as to where the brown eyed girl was taking things.

"I said ask yourself that again Lauren. Do you know me?" Camila said sternly.

"Yes, of course I know you." Lauren stated trying to sound confident.

"Really because how do you know me, how do you know me if I don't even know me.? I don't know myself I don't know who I am, I don't know who I've become. And it scares me. It scares me because I don't know who I am anymore. It scares me because I've lost all place." Camila said clearly.

Lauren stood agape, at that second she had forgotten that the other three girls and Ian were in the room with her. She wanted to stay strong but she was finding that she couldn't.

"Weird isn't it? How words have such an affect on us." Camila muttered to nobody in particular.

"Well if this is what my words do to you all, If you looked into my mind even for a split second you wouldn't survive." Camila added.

The room was in pure silence so much so that you would be able to hear a single pin drop.

"C-Camila," Ally said in a hoarse whisper. She was the first to speak.

But Camila either never acknowledged that the blonde girl had spoken or if she did acknowledge it then she pretended not to hear because she continued to speak.

"You know sometimes I think that I'm scared that I'm loosing myself. And then I realise, that I don't even know who myself is, and I can't loose myself if I don't know who that is." Camila said and her voice was droning on.

"Go on, send me to some psycho unit. Give me medication that will numb my brain and make me forget how to feel. I'd rather feel sadness and despair than feel nothing at all. Or maybe my problem is that sometimes I don't feel anything at all." Camila whispered.

"Camz, please you're scaring us," Normani uttered, not daring to look into the girls brown eyes.

Lauren however was staring right into Camila's eyes. Only now did Lauren notice how broken the girl behind those eyes were. Only now did Lauren realise the amount of hurt and scars that pretty face hid with a smile. Only now did Lauren question if any of it was real; or if Camila just used her as an escape for a while.