Escape

Chapter 29

Songs for this chapter:

Even If- Lewis Watson

Bend or Break (alternate version)- Allstar Weekend

Skinny Love- Birdy

The Only Reason- 5 Seconds of Summer

*CALUM'S P.O.V*

I stood with my hands in my pockets, flinching when the door slammed behind Bentley and Luke. I bit my bottom lip and looked nervously at Heidi. She was staring blankly at the wall behind me, her usually bright eyes were dim and red. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she looked exactly how I felt. My insides turned at the realization that I'm the reason she's like this.

I sighed and turned around, sitting down in one of the chairs beside a round table. I motioned for her to sit across from me, which she ignored. Instead, she sat on the bed closest to her, as far away from me as she could get. I had to keep reminding myself that I deserve this, I did this.

"I heard your song." Heidi said suddenly.

"You did?" She nodded, her eyes quickly glancing over to me before focusing on the wall again. "What did you think?"

She closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall behind her. Her shoulders raised in a slight shrug, giving me no words to go on.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't." She cut me off.

"Don't apologize?"

"No." She shook her head, finally looking at me, making me wish she hadn't. The pain I caused her was evident in her eyes, making me want to just get up and wrap my arms around her. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to think that just because you sing a song for me and come in here looking like a lost puppy I will forgive everything by one little apology. You don't get to do that Calum." The calm tone in her voice scared me. Anger I could handle, tears I could handle, but not this calmness.

"It's a good thing I wasn't going to." I put my elbows on my knees and leaned forward. Utter confusion graced her face, and she looked at me telling me to continue. "I was going to say I'm sort of hating myself right now."

"I would hope so." She smirked.

I grimaced at her words. "Well I do."

She nodded, her eyes once again fixed on the wall behind me.

"Would you please just look at me?" I begged.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I just can't Calum." Her voice cracked when she said my name and I realized that it was to much to even do that.

"Heidi, I'm sorry. I was distraught with the news from my dad dying and the alcohol clouded my brain and I wasn't thinking right and I messed up." I rushed everything out in one breath.

"You can't use that as an excuse. You cannot keep using that."

"It's the truth though." She sighed and rubbed her hand over her face.

"Look, I get that. But you have to take responsibility for what you did. You need to step up, don't blame it on the drinking, don't blame it on your dad's death." Her lip quivered, and I could tell she was trying her hardest not to cry in front of me. "I just want to know why."

"When I looked at Zoe, I was expecting to see your face and I just.. When you weren't there... I don't know."

"Zoe?"