Escape

Chapter 30

Songs for this chapter:

It's Not Over- Secondhand Serenade

In My Veins- Andrew Belle

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me- Demi Lovato

*HEIDI'S P.O.V*

I always seem to walk away. When things get tough, when I get scared, when I don't want to deal with things, I walk away. I don't know why I do it, just like I don't know why I broke, even when I told myself I wouldn't. I couldn't handle hearing Calum tell me those things and not cry.

Heartbreak is something that I'm not used to. It overtakes your whole body and you feel everything but nothing at the same time. You're empty inside, desperate to find the missing piece to feel full again. Everything hurts, like the broken shards of my heart are shifting and stabbing my chest and I don't know how to stop the bleeding.

I closed my eyes and stood against the wall, sliding down slowly. I have no idea why I left, I just needed to get out of that room with him. I got way to comfortable sitting in his lap, letting him hold me and cry. I needed that, I needed him. But I can't do it. I can't forgive him. Not yet. I just need guidance on the next step to take, because all I wanted to do was run back into his arms and let him hold away the pain.

I took in a shaky breath and wiped away my tears, my hands shaking. My eyes burned from the tears, my throat dry, and my nose stuffed. I'm sure I was quite the sight, sitting on a hotel floor, crying my eyes out, but I was too upset to care. All of Calum's words kept repeating themselves over and over again in my head. I just didn't understand how I could be "perfect" for him if he could sleep with another girl and not even think about it. It just doesn't make sense to me, and I'm just too tired to keep thinking about it. I leaned my head on the wall and closed my tired eyes.

I really wanted to talk to Bentley to get some advice or something, but I knew she needed this time she could get with Luke. I don't understand how someone can want someone to talk to so badly but want to be alone just the same.

Just as I was thinking this, I heard loud laughter coming from down the hall. Deep Australian voices followed, and I knew if I didn't hide fast, Michael and Ashton were going to see me like this, and I just couldn't have that happen.

I stood up quickly, looking around for a place to hide. I looked across the hallway and saw a doorway leading to the staircase. I rushed to it, opening it quickly and praying that I was out of sight before they turned the corner. I sat down on the top stair and put my head in my hands, sighing heavily.

Calum asked me if he lost me for good, and truth be told I don't know. As much as I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me, I wanted to curl up in his arms and let him hold me just the same. He broke my heart into pieces, yet when he was holding me in his lap, I forgot why I was upset for a second. With Zeke, I knew I never wanted to see his face again for the rest of my life. With Calum, his face was in everything that I looked at. He was in the music I listened to, the words I read, the movies I watched, and the people I knew. He was even in the stupid clothes I wore. I wanted to punch his pretty face in. I wanted to scream and yell and cry. But more importantly I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to hold me and tell me we were going to fix this, that this mistake was just a bump in the road and we can smooth it out. I just-

I was interrupted from my thoughts by my phone vibrating loudly. I jumped and pulled it out of my pocket, pressing the answer button without even looking at who it was.

"Hello." I mumbled.

"What's up buttercup?" Steph's perky voice said through the phone.

"Hey Steph." I said sniffling.

"What's wrong? Where's Benny? Is she okay?"

"She's with Luke, she's fine." I mumbled.

"What's wrong then?"

I bit my bottom lip and contemplated wether or not I should say anything.

"Heidi..."

"Calum. Calum's what's wrong."

"What did he do?" She said, her tone agitated.

"He..." I got out before I once again bursted into sobs. I told her everything, from the time he told me until now.

"Oh my.." Steph sighed. "I can imagine the way you feel right now. But.. Heidi, is he truly sorry?"

"What?" I sniffled.

"Does it show that he's sorry, or is he acting nonchalant about it?"

"Steph, I told you everything that he said, you tell me."

"Then he's sorry."

"Okay..." I trailed off. "So what do I do?"

"I can't tell you what to do." She paused, sighing sadly. "That's going to be up to you. But if I were in your situation, I would take a step back. Think things over. And maybe someday down the road you guys can work it out, if that's what you want."

I stayed quiet, contemplating my options. I could go back in there and fall into his arms, praying that I forget what happened. Or I could go back in there and sleep on a different bed, keeping my distance, letting the hurt slowly go away.

"Steph... I just want him to hold me." I whispered.

"Then let him hold you tonight. Let him know that he hurt you and he's going to have a hell of a time to try and get you back, but for now you need his comfort."

"Can I do that?" Steph let out a loud laugh.

"Yes, you can do that. And I believe in you because you're a strong girl, I can see it. You can do this."

I messed with a loose thread on my shorts. "Im tired of being strong." I admitted.

"So be weak tonight. Be the person who cries at everything, let other people be strong for you. You deserve it. And Heidi?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to be here behind you every step of the way in this shitty situation, you know that right? Me and Bent are here for you always."

"Thanks."

"Go be weak." I heard the smile in her voice and I thanked her one more time before hanging up. Be weak. I can do this.

I stood up and left the stairway, heading towards the room that I hoped only Calum occupied. I knocked softly and waited for a response. I heard a thud on the other side of the room, and the door opened, revealing Calum, his eyes even redder than before.

"Heidi?" He questioned. I ignored him and stepped inside the room, stopping in the center to turn to face him. I crossed my arms over my chest and raced to put my words together.

"I'm pissed off at you." I told him. Confusion settled in his eyes, but he didn't say a word. "I'm so pissed. But you're the only person I want to comfort me right now. I want you to know that you hurt me, badly. You hurt me more than anyone has in a very long time." His breathing quickened, and his eyes became glossy as the tears were quickly forming. "And it's going to be hard. We have a hard and long road ahead of us if we want to work through this Cal."

"You aren't going to leave me?"

"I hate you so much right now but I don't want to leave you. I do want space, I need it. I need it to clear my head, to think these things over. I need space and time to move past this okay?" He nodded slowly. I walked slowly to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Just please, for tonight, hold me." I whispered into his chest. He said nothing, instead walked me over to his bed, pulling aside the covers. I crawled in and scooted as close to him as I could. He tangled our legs together, one arm resting on my waist and the other acting as a pillow for my head.

I felt his fingers playing softly with the end of my hair, and I closed my eyes, drifting in and out of sleep.

"This is what I want." I heard him whisper into my hair. I said nothing, hoping he would think I was sleeping and say more. "I want you always, no one can compare. I'm in love with you Heidi."

I felt tears slip from under my eyelids and I quickly fell asleep in the arms of the boy that broke my heart, his words echoing in my mind.