The Stars Lie {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

Why Do We Try?

Chapter 7—Why Do We Try?

Claire

Claire couldn't believe how very wrong – and very bizarre – her day had gone, as she trudged upstairs to bed. Shane's door was open and the absence of him made her start crying all over again. She went into her room and silently scooped the clothes from her bed that she had left that morning. Was it just this morning? It seemed like so much longer.

Claire grabbed a brush from her nightstand and raked it through her brown hair a few quick times before gathering it into a ponytail. She headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth and when she returned, she didn't know if she even had the strength to change into her nightgown. She decided she did not; and just climbed under the covers, trying to warm up the ice cold pit in her stomach. She shivered as she tried to force herself to sleep.

"Claire?" Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of Shane's voice. And he wasn't screaming at her; that was a good sign – or was it, what happened?

"Come in," she called, her voice raspy from crying.

Shane opened the door and just stood there, looking unsure how far he wanted to go. After a long minute, he walked over the bed and sat on the far end of it facing Claire. "How many times?" he asked.

Claire stared at him blankly, trying to push her muddled brain to catch up to his thought process. He could see her hesitation and his face tightened as he anticipated the response, "How many times...have you kissed him?"

Oh...she understood now, "Once! Just this once! Never before and never again..." Her heart tugged when she said that last part, but she shoved the feeling away. "Please...please tell me you can forgive me Shane. I couldn't bear it if you hated me."

He was silent for a long moment; Claire thought he was going to walk out the door when he started again, "I'm sorry for storming out on you earlier."

"That's...okay. I...I deserved it," she said haltingly.

"Still," He replied.

He spoke so quietly that she almost didn't hear him, "Do you want THIS?"

"What?"

"US; do you want US?" Shane whispered, still avoiding eye contact with her.

"Yes!" she cried hastily, "More than anything."

He glanced sharply to look her in the eyes, "and more than anyone?"

"Yes," Claire said the word he wanted to hear, even though she knew it might not be true. She just couldn't bear hurting him again, here in the moonlight, when his features were already so vulnerable and so torn. She would work this out. She would force herself to forget Myrnin. She would still have to work with him, but she would make it like it was before, very – very - platonic. It had worked before; it could work again.

Claire reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled back. "Claire, I need time....we...need time," he gently rebuffed her and she felt her heart break again.

"Okay," she whispered, drawing back into herself, as pain washed through her.

"Do you still love me enough, to give me that?"

Claire stopped, confused, unsure what he was asking, "Yes. What do you mean?"

"If you give any kind of shit about me, then you will stay away from him."

She could feel his anger rising to the surface and didn't know how to answer him, "Shane, he's my boss...and...Amelie...would never allow me to quit". She left out the part where she couldn't imagine not having Myrnin in her life.