The Stars Lie {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

I'm Strong Enough

Chapter 9—I'm Strong Enough To Do This

Claire

Claire felt she was breaking apart as she left Myrnin, but would not allow herself to focus on anything but making up her betrayal to Shane. She hated herself for hurting him – and if he wanted a week without her seeing Myrnin, she would give it to him. Her heart twisted again at the thought. She tried to figure out this new pull she felt toward Myrnin – it was stronger than anything she had ever felt – her body seemed to gravitate to his presence.

She wondered for a moment if Myrnin was doing this to her. He could affect people's thoughts and emotions with his mind, but she knew enough to know, his effects were only possible when he was within a certain distance and this despair she felt without him, remained even when he was far away. She shook her head. She was going to have to force the change in herself. She owed it to Shane.

Claire made her way back to the Glass House, and immediately felt better as she relaxed into the warmth of her 'family' – the four of them had somehow become a family in the middle of all of the Morganville dysfunction. She stared at Shane and Michael playing video games, talking trash to each other, while they killed zombies. And then her eyes took in Eve – tucked up next to Michael, reading a book. She loved all of them.

A stray thought pushed at her, what if I only think I love Shane because he is a part of this family? Would I still feel the same if it were just the two of us alone? She pushed it away, of course I love Shane – how could I not; after everything he has done for me?

The days crawled by, and Claire was true to her word, as she focused all of her energies on Shane. And he was finally responding; he was touching her again, nothing intimate, but at least he wasn't treating her like she had the plague. She was thrilled to see his happiness begin to grow again.

Being with Shane was habit...easy, her body was used to his touch; so when his intentions changed to intimacy on the last night before she would see Myrnin again, she didn't hesitate. She desperately hoped the sex between them would drive out whatever she was feeling for Myrnin, and she felt like it helped. It was definitely easier when she wasn't around Myrnin – his warm eyes, the way his lips felt...stop it! She was angry at herself for not having better control over her thoughts – still.

Today was the day she dreaded most – telling Myrnin. He was expecting her but she kept putting it off. She didn't have much time left, though because she and Shane were going out to an actual restaurant tonight, so she had to be done with Myrnin, and back before it was time to leave.

Eve helped Claire get ready and kept staring at her. Finally, Claire couldn't stand it anymore more and she asked Eve pointedly, "What?"

"What are you going to tell Myrnin?" Eve asked her bluntly.

At the mention of his name, Claire felt her eyes tear up and she furiously fought to control her emotions. She definitely didn't want to get tear stains on the sexy black and green outfit Eve had let her borrow a week ago. She ran her hand down the green mini skirt, to smooth it, her hands twitching for something to keep her occupied.

Eve wasn't fooled, "Claire, how do you really feel about Myrnin?"

"I'm trying not to think of him," Claire whispered. "I can do this; I am strong enough to do this."

Eve tilted her head to the side, "Which hurts worse?"

"What do you mean?"

"Close your eyes. Let your mind imagine a life without Shane." Eve instructed. "Tell me what you feel."

"I feel pain...I don't want to hurt or disappoint him...I owe that much to him," Claire whispered.

"And now Myrnin..." Eve encouraged her with a nod.

Claire flinched. "I feel grief. I cannot imagine my life without him now," She looked up at Eve with large eyes, "How did this happen...? When did it happen...?"

"From your responses, I think it's been happening for much longer than you realize. For the smartest girl in the room, I wonder how you missed this. Eve wrapped her arms around her, "I will love you no matter what."

Claire understood what Eve was trying to tell her and hugged her back fiercely, so thankful for her friend.

Eve jumped up, "Oh, I have the perfect accessory for this outfit" and dashed out of the room.

The strange expression in Eve's eyes made Claire wonder what Eve would bring back – with Eve it could be anything. And Eve didn't disappoint. In her hand, she was holding a silver tipped dagger. "Um. What am I supposed to do with that?"

"You strap it to your thigh, silly." Eve produced a strap looking a bit like a sexy garter – it was black leather with a sheath to neatly contain the dagger. She came toward Claire and Claire stopped her.

"I cannot wear that."

Eve ignored her, "Of course you can. This way your hands are free and you have easy access to it whenever you need it. Besides," she whispered, "It looks sexy as hell – and I know either of them will appreciate it." She winked, while Claire opened her mouth to form some sort of words and then gave up, letting Eve help her strap the dagger to her inner thigh.

Claire had to admit, there was a certain security and sexiness she felt wearing it, and then sighed as she headed to see Myrnin.