Noticed

Thirty One

Becky Adams

As homeroom went on, I couldn't help in tuning out the announcements to just stare at Brad and feel the guilt pour over me. He had really let himself go. Part of me wanted to just go up to him and comfort him and apologize, but the other part wanted to just slap in the face for everything he's put me through and that it was his fault we were both in the positions we are.

The first period bell struck me out of my daze and I just sat there for a minute while everyone else was out of their seats and on their way to their first period classes. Brendon and Ashley were about to walk out of the door when they realized I was still sitting there.

"Becks, you coming to drama?" Brendon asked.

I was about to stand up and say yes, but I noticed Brad still in the room as well. I wasn't exactly looking to make up or anything, but I did want to make sure he was okay.

"I'll meet you there. I have some stuff to organize." I told him, trying to sound as honest as possible without saying I wanted to talk to Brad.

"Alright, I'll save you a seat." he said before walking out the door completely. Then, it was just Brad and I alone in the room.

I started to walk towards the door and then stopped and turned around to face Brad.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He looked up and started looking around, making sure he was the one I was talking to.

"There's no one else in the room besides you and me." I told him.

"I'm doing okay."

"Are you sure? Cause you don't look like you're doing okay." I said, taking a step forward. I sat on the desk across from him.

"I mean, I've just been busting my ass off to catch up on work and what not. Trying to maintain my average for soccer." he admitted. I couldn't tell whether he was being truthful or not, but I accepted it anyways.

"I see." I said, starting to slip off the desk and make my way out. I was kind of hoping to get more out of this conversation but he clearly didn't want anything to do with me, so I gave up.

"Well, I'll see you around I guess." I said.

"Becky?" 

I stopped in my tracks, and slightly turned around to face him again.

"It was nice talking to you." he said with a slight smile on his face. I just nodded my head in silence before turning around and disappearing from his sights.

"Why did I do that?" I asked myself aloud.

"Do what?" Brendon asked, suddenly appearing in front of me.

"Brendon, shouldn't you be in drama?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I told you I had to organize some stuff." I said.

"And did you organize what you wanted to organize?" he asked, seeming suspicious.

"I did." I said.

"As for drama, class is cancelled today, so we get a free period. I was thinking we could go to the library to do some studying. Maybe even...you know." he said, leaning in so that his face was inches away from mine. I pulled him in for the kiss he was clearly trying to tease me into. Our lips locked and we slowly made out in the halls, my back pressed against the wall as my hands grasped his body all over. The hall monitor quickly stopped us and told us to get to class. Once he was out of sight, we quietly laughed as we stood there.

"Let's go to the library." I said, breaking the silence.

**

The rest of the day had gone by fairly quickly. I had gotten a lot of progress done on assignments which was perfect since teachers were already started to do exam reviews. The sooner I finished my assignments, the sooner I could focus on studying for my finals for the semester.

Every now and then though, Brad popped into my mind and I found myself constantly pondering about what he might be doing and if he was okay. I kept trying to shake it off but I just couldn't. And I felt guilty knowing Brendon had no idea what I was thinking about. Brad's probably the last name he would want to hear.

"Anything on your mind?" Brendon asked. Clearly he could tell something was up. The only thing was, should I confess and tell the truth, or make something up?

"Honestly, it's Brad." I said, deciding to be honest. The sound of Brad's name put a sour look on his face.

"What about Brad?" he asked, clearly mad that I had brought Brad up.

"He hasn't been looking so good lately, health wise."

"So?"

"I don't know what it is in me, but I can't help but feel guilty about his condition; like it's my fault he's where he is."

"Do I need to remind you what that asshole did to you time and time again? He messed with you, broke your heart and tried to break us up. He's in the position he is because of his actions and no one else's. But like all the other times I guess you're just too blind to see it." Brendon said before angrily gathering his things and storming off.

"Brendon wait!" I called after him. But it was too late. He was out the door in seconds. What have I done?