Noticed

Thirty Three

Becky Adams

I had been running around the entire school, searching for Brendon. I didn't care that all of our stuff was still sitting at the table we had sat at in the library. I didn't mean to upset Brendon, but I felt if I was honest, it would seem better. 

"Brendon!" I shouted for what felt like the 100th time. 

When I turned the corner of the hall, I saw him through the window. He was on the soccer field, shooting goals. I couldn't help but stop to stare. He was so athletic, attractive, and determined when he played soccer. I mean, he was like that all the time, but it was different when he played sports. It was like seeing his inner true self that no one ever gets to see and it was beautiful to watch. It was also a perk to see his golden toned abs whenever he played shirtless.

I quickly made my way outside the school to the soccer field. Once I was outside, I took my time and walked, not wanting to break his concentration. I just kept watching him with his game face on as I got closer and closer to him.

Eventually he stopped and just sat on the turf, the soccer ball in between his legs. I sat next to him, hearing the heavy panting come out of his both.

"You're good." I said, not knowing how else to break the silence. In all honesty, I was hoping he would've said something, but the longer the silence went on, the more I knew he wouldn't.

"Thanks." he said, still staring straight ahead, trying to catch his breath.

"I've had some time to think..."he started. Oh no. This didn't sound good. This sounded like the start of a breakup.

"Yeah?" I said, urging him to go on.

"We have a long history together. Been friends for years -- close friends -- and on and off dating for a while too." he said before pausing for a moment. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to agree or say something or if he was just trying to collect his thoughts.

"And whenever something bothers you or me, we get mad, but we tough it out. We talk, we understand each other, and we patch things up.

"And you know I don't like to run away from situations. I like to tackle them head on." he continued. I nodded in agreement. It was true, he was stubborn like that. He never liked to leave something unfinished, which is why hearing him talk made this conversation more and more unnerving for me.

"Hearing you bring up Brad and your concerns for him was bittersweet. On one hand, it only showed me even more how caring and kind you are, which I love about you; you trying to be there for people and bringing out the best in everyone. But on the other hand, it showed me that one way or another, you have feelings for him." he added. Hearing that pissed me off just a little bit. I know he didn't mean feelings like I'm in love with Brad necessarily, but anyone could tell that was at the top of his list.

"So am I just being kind and caring, or am I trying to win Brad back and dump you? Which is it Brendon." I said impulsively. I immediately regretted saying what I said, but it was too late.

"Becky, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"You may not have meant it, but you're definitely thinking it. Despite everything that's happened, you stuck by my side and I stuck by yours. When I was at my worst, you and Ashley were there for me. Why the fuck would you think I would suddenly leave you for Brad?" I said, raising my voice.

"Well, things were fine until out of nowhere you started feeling concerned for Brad."

"It's called having a fucking heart! Or am I not a human being?" I said, raising my voice even more. I didn't mean to shout and yell, but hearing his words only solidified that he had the impression I still had feelings for Brad in a romantic kind of way. Here I sat, going out of my way to mend things with Brendon, and he only tried to push me away. I couldn't be in the same space as him right now. I didn't want to say anything that could permanently ruin our relationship. So I got up and quickly walked back towards the school, wanting to grab my stuff and head back to the library.

"Becky wait! I'm sorry! You know I didn't mean it!" Brendon shouted from the soccer field. I didn't even hesitate to turn around or anything, I just kept on walking.

God, how did things even get so damn twisted?