Halcyon (Bo Burnham Fanfiction)

Fix Me

POV Bo. (Ooo exciting =3)

When Alana made it clear we were taking more than a break it seemed so surreal. We'd been together for almost a year and it had all ended so fast. I was in denial for a few days until it finally settled in that this wasn't some sick joke or something we could easily come back from. I called and texted but she blocked my number and I'd knock on her door but her brother would always answer. He wore the most intimidating death glare I've ever seen but it didn't bother me. One because I'm half a foot taller than everyone and two because I was way to focused on Alana as he told me off every time. I would crane my neck in a desperate attempt to catch a glimpse of her but I never had such luck.

I even attempted talking to Aya but she wasn't on my side. She told me all the things Alana never did. All her doubts and worried how much I'd hurt her while we were together without even knowing it. She told me about how she hardly leaves her room how she drags herself around school everyday completely miserable. That's when I decided that maybe leaving her alone was for the best. Over summer I would clean up my act. It was difficult but I stopped drinking and smoking I stopped dealing and dropped all my toxic friend which in the end only left me with one.

My childhood friend Luca helped me through it all. We had grown apart over the years but when I told him I was trying to fix the mess that I'd let become my life he was ecstatic. He was so proud and vowed to help me. He would even let me crash at his place if I was having a ruff night. I also went back to school. Yeah there was only a little over half a year left but I graduated. I never knew how happy walking across that stage and holding my diploma would make me feel.

But I was to late. After summer I knocked on her front door to have her father answer. Reluctant to tell me anything other than fuck off he mentioned that Alana had moved out of state to attend college. I should have known. Of course she'd go to college why the fuck hadn't I thought about that?

I'd been months since we broken up but it felt like she'd left me all over again. I would mope around Lucas house. I was welcomed but I just felt like a burden half the time. When he was at work I would sneak into the guest bedroom where he kept his keyboard and play until he got home. I don't know why I was sneaking around. He never said I couldn't play it and even encouraged it but I'd been so long since I played. My mom taught me piano and when my parents died I just couldn't keep playing it just reminded me to much of her. But now it was the only think that could distract me from Alana for more than five minutes.

I wrote comedic songs about things that were usually sad trying to make light of the way I was feeling. It helped more than I'd expected actually I'd even went as far as to play one for Luca called 'Kill Yourself' and he couldn't stop laughing. I even had to pause half way through to give him a breather. Making him laugh made me so damn happy and at that moment I found something I love to do.