Heart Rallies

Trente et Deux: Numbness

Her mother was home after a while.

Bea was trying to dress up for their family lunch that Saturday. Seff came in an hour earlier to pick her up and she wasn't ready yet.

"Need help?" he asked her when he saw her trying to zip her dress at the back while standing in front of the mirror.

"Nah, you only know how to undress," she told him which made him laugh.

He walked up to her and removed her hands. He zipped it up and hugged her from behind.

"You look good," he told her while looking at her in the mirror. His hands were making circles on her tummy.

"You always tell me that," she told him. "Wala ng effect."

"Gusto mo ba may kasamang fireworks kapag sinasabi ko?" he smiled.

Bea laughed and removed herself from his embrace. "We're late. Let's go."

"Bea," he called and stopped her from doing so. "Hold on."

"What is it?" she asked him.

Seff took his wallet out and took a paper out of it. Seff handed it to her. She was clueless when she saw it.

"You're handing me a check with your signature," she told him and he nodded. "What do you want me to do with this?"

Seff took a deep breath and as a habit when tensed, he kept his hands on his pockets. "I want you to rent the same unit with me like what we used to do. I don't care how much you want to charge me for making you live with me, and I don't care how many months you want to do it. I just want you to be home with me daily."

Bea was startled with his answer. It didn't sound desperate but it was as if he was getting tired of their set up. He wanted something more and it did not change even if they did not talk about it for a while.

She handed the check back to him. "I'm sorry, Seff."

Sorry for what? That she can't marry him? Or sorry because she's not ready yet?

"Babe, please. Let's talk about this some other time," she begged him when she saw how disappointed he was. She wanted to hurt herself for turning him down again just because she's scared.

Seff removed her hands on his face. "I don't think I should go with you. Have fun," he said and went out of her place.

--

"Ano pa bang kinakatakot mo?!" Bea was scolded by her sisters. They went to a bar after having dinner and heartbroken that she is, Bea opened up for the first time to her sisters what happened. She told them the complete situation, starting from the time that she and Seff met. They were obviously upset with her when she finished telling them their set up.

She did not answer.

"My God, ayan na nga yung tao kung ipagtabuyan mo akala mo walang emosyon yung tao!" her eldest sister said. "Akala mo ba madali pang makahanap ng lalaki na magpopropose at magtitiis sayo?"

"And no offense meant sister, sa maldita mong yan, I am so surprised na natagalan ka ni Seff," Alex told her, laughing.

"I agree," Lianne seconded. "Alam mo, wala namang perfect marriage. Masaya kami ng pamilya ko dahil sanay kami mag-usap. We know how to give way. We trust each other. We communicate. It may be scary but the joys of marriage are simply undescribable."

"Bea, we know dad made you doubt of love. But you know what, with that mistake or not, mag-aaway at mag-aaway din naman sila. Si Lianne din. Ako. Kayo ni Seff. But if you know how to give way, pause, listen, it will work. The key to it is an open heart and an open mind. You know when to talk and what to say. What's just lacking is you pause too much and there's a lack of continuity," Alex smiled at her understandingly. "It's okay to push back sometimes but it's not healthy when you are already preventing all ways possible to make yourself happy."