Heart Rallies

LOVE AND LIES

Eleanor Roosevelt said that you should do the thing that you cannot do for it allows us to gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

It's July 18 and they have 7 days left before the wedding. Everything is all set and all that they were waiting for is the date itself.

He woke up around 3:30 AM after feeling the desire to pee. When he sat on the bed, he was surprised to find the space beside him empty. He knocked on the bathroom within their room but there was no one in. Worried, Seff decided to go out and find his wife. He first went down to check the kitchen but it was empty. He was about to go back to his room when he found one of the guest rooms slightly open and found who he was looking for.

Only that she happened to be with another man who was crying while he gave her medications.

Seff held on tight to the wall and automatically, his tears started flowing right after the other. It felt as if his eyes would never run dry.

Seeing his wife in pain, it was the hardest reality that Seff needed to keep to himself.

He knew what Bea is going thru. He has seen her well kept medicines himself while he was looking for one of his favorite shirts on her closet. Working for a pharmaceutical company before, he knew what was going on even if he is not a doctor.

He waited for Bea to tell him but she never did. Rather, Bea made a statement telling him that she wants to be happy by making him happy. She gave her reminders to him that she does not want to see him fuss about anything. She simply wants to have the best days of her life being a grandma, a mother, and a wife. She told him that she's sure she will go before him and once it happens, she wants him to just think of the happy years they had.

That was the main reason why he wanted to make their upcoming wedding anniversary the best one, could even be the last one. When he stopped hugging Bea for a while, it was because he was trying to practice nights that he wouldn't be holding her. He was trying to know what it would be like.

And crushing him to bits, Seff would always do what Bea wants. Would fulfill her every wish. Even if he needed to pretend that he did not know anything.

He wanted to go inside the room and embrace her, hoping it would ease the pain but he knew he would leave Beatrice with thoughts that she doesn't want to have. He knew she would start thinking about him when she goes. He would pretend as long as he can so Bea wouldn't have anything to think of other than making him happy which will make her happy as well.

He waited for Cali to finish until he saw his son go to bed hugging his second mother. When they were both asleep, he quietly closed the door where she slept.

Seff woke up past 7 in the morning after a very light sleep. He felt Bea go back to their room but again, he pretended that he wasn't awake. Shortly, he opened his eyes and saw his wife smiling at him.

How can she ever do that?

"Good morning," Seff greeted her and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'm so glad to see you."

"Me too babe," she smiled. "It is always nice to see you beside me. I love you."

"I love you too," Seff smiled and kissed her lips again.

"Cali's here babe. He went home last night. Said he wanted to see us both," she told him.

Seff nodded. "I will wake him up so we can have breakfast. Let's go."

Bea stood up from the bed and slowly walked with him to go downstairs. He left her seated on her usual seat while he went back upstairs to check on Cali. He was just about to go down. His eyes were red.

"Hi Dada," he said and kissed his uncle. "I'm sorry I needed to gatecrash. I just needed some decent place to sleep."

He smiled at him, tears forming. "Thank you."

"For what dad?"

He didn't say anything. Though he remained silent, the way his eyes looked and spoke, Cali knew what his father wanted to tell him.

"You know?"

Seff nodded. "Thank you for being there for her. I couldn't do what you are doing for her. She doesn't want me to, does she?"

Cali nodded, not finding his tongue to speak.

"I know your Mama. She told me she doesn't want me to fuss about anything. She wanted me to just make sure she is happy. She doesn't want me to have a hard time."

"Dada, you can make her happy even if she knows that you know what she is going thru," Cali insisted.

Seff shook his head. "It is her wish that I remain unnotified about her situation."

"Dad, what about the vow? Thru sickness and in health, till death do you part? What about sharing the pain she's going thru?" Cali started crying, mad with his uncle's answers. "Dad, she needs you. Why do you have to let her suffer alone?"

Seff smiled painfully and held Cali's shoulders. "Cali, I'm having my own share of suffering with what she is going thru. I have to bear the pain alone of seeing her go thru that and yet I cannot do anything because I am trying to fulfill her wishes. Please understand me. I am not making her bear that pain alone. I would gladly go if only we can switch places. I know that this may look selfish to you but between Bea and I, I'd rather make her happy knowing that I do not know anything."

Cali didn't seem to accept it but he was letting him do it. He knew his Dada loves Bea too much. He wouldn't do anything that isn't for her.

"How long do I have left?"

"Weeks. A month at most. Goes beyond that, it would be a miracle."

Tears started forming again. "If she needs anything, let me know. I'll make it happen."

--

The wedding day came and it was beyond her imagination. Everyone was present and Seff quietly talked to Ethan, Ava, and Akira about Bea's situation. It was too hard for him to bear it alone. It felt like his own chest would explode if he keeps it to himself.

And they all hid it well.

Seff admired his wife who went down the aisle sitting on a wheelchair on the first half but walked down the aisle in her wedding gown when she got to the middle where Leb and Bent waited to bring her to their father. Every step, he knew, is a pain that she needed to endure. It was a step that Seff needed to stop himself from going to her and just let her scream in pain if she has to. When she got to him, he helped her to her seat.

The ceremony was solemn and appropriate, talking about life's wonders, life's little surprises that we neglect. Seff knew he doesn't have anything to regret. He lived a life with someone he would never exchange for anything.

The third wedding still felt like the first.

They both stood in front of the altar where they stayed for the past 50 years. Seff took his hanky and wiped the tears on his eyes. He did it before. And now, he is still doing it because he found his fate. He found the other part of his life.

And she was just right beside him.