Love for Allah's sake

Chapter 50

Zahrah stood by the window gazing at nature at the early dawn of her pre wedding walimat. She doesn't know perhaps if she should be happy like any other bride to be, for at that moment, she's deplorable, jumbling in between anxiety and the new feeling of awkward fretfulness.

She can't even be enthuse by eagerness as most brides do to mark a happy beginning. Omar had called approximately a hundredth times yesterday to make sure she's okay.

The past few days after Aysha's death had blurred by mysterically as she could not describe how she spent them any longer, but sure, she's relenting, giving in completely to the full force of destiny swirling around her.

Between agony and the smirch fate had put in her heart, she'd managed to paddle out unmannedly. She'd already gulped down to stodge the mixture of faded circumstance and throes of pain coated on her by destiny.

She haven't had much time to talk to her mother lately, but she sure will create time today between the tight schedule of the wedding shambolic to talk to her mother -- because today is her last day at home.

She hurriedly lurched to her shelf and grabbed Aysha's letter. She had not finish reading it the other day as it wasn't invigorating.

She went back to her stance by the window and unfolded the crumpled paper once again.

After I found out that for the first time, all I wanted to do at that moment was to create a space in my heart for sacrifice, to follow the shadow of the goddess of sacrifice who lynched her happiness just to toddle in the isle of grief for her skimpy friend who fell to appreciate her massive sacrifice with a willing heart.

I deemed something might change after that, of course not as she could do with her generous heart, but she deserves to be happy too, to drape away any misery from getting to her way any longer. I wanted to give up and vacate the space for her to spawn her happiness too. But fate has a way of twisting it, I found out that I was pregnant. I was smitten by anxiety even when I thought I was happy, because love always use our heart as a pawn.