It's always been you!

Bad memories

A/n: mention of self harming. If anyone of you guys actually self harm. Please feel free to talk to me. You all are amazing people and you deserve to live an equally amazing life.

No I just want to be on my own. I'll see you boys later. I say as I grab my guitar and song book and walk out the door towards the cliffs... as I walk to the cliffs I started to think about thing.

Should I jump? Am I good enough for Jacob? If I wasn't good enough for Paul what makes me good enough for Jake. I think to myself as I make my way up the cliffs. One cut. One cut. No one will know. No one will care they didn't then why would they now? Does anyone love me? I ask myself as I get to the cliffs edge and take a seat. As I look around the cliffs a flashback came into my mind of the night that started my cutting

(Flashback)
Hey Sammy. I said happily as I come home from school.

What do you want Sarah? Sam asked angrily

Nothing Sammy. I just want to talk to my big brother that's all. I said while backing up. Things were different about two months after mom died Sam became more angrier and less patient. He started to yell a lot more at me for the stupid things. He would yell at me if a glass dropped in the ground and smashed because he hit it down. So how wa.....

Sarah your so annoying and pathetic. I don't want you around! I wish mom never died so I would never have to look after you better yet I wished you died with her! Sam yelled

What? He didn't mean that did he? I asked with tears in my eyes

What you can't hear me now? I said I wish you died with mom so I wouldn't have to deal with you!!! Sam yelled as I ran out of the house and to the cliffs. As soon as I arrived I pulled out my pocket knife and started cutting my wrists because at the time I thought it would make my brother, the only family I have happy.
(End of flashback)

I remember the way the blade felt. The way it numbed the pain of that night and all the other nights I felt like ending everything but, the pain I'm feeling right now is a thousand times worse. Should I jump? I ask myself as the words of Rebecca play in my head like the devil screams in hell. Your nothing Sarah!! I'm nothing. I whisper underneath my breath as I stand up and walk away from the cliff to pull out my pocket knife and slit my wrist just a little. Not to deep but just enough to numb the pain but, it didn't help. It didn't numb the pain like all the other times. So, I turned away from the cliffs and started to walk back home but, the thoughts and feelings were to strong "your boy good enough" played in my head in a constant loop. So, I turn back to the cliffs and jump right off it just as the lightning strikes the sky with a bright glow of fear...