Like the snow

Chapter 7

I got out of the house with my eyes full of tears …

I knew I shouldn't have gone there from the beginning

If only my father was still alive ……

No one could have laid a finger on me …

No one could have insulted me …

Ever since his death I hated everything

He was the bright side of my life …

…… If only I died instead of him ………

He had a lot of dreams to achieve when I'm living for nothing at all …

If only I could exchange my soul with him … If only I could take his diseased heart and give him mine …

I prayed to god several times to make me lifeless and let my torment end …

But everyday I wake up feeling 'oh …… I'm still alive …'

I kept walking to nowhere as tears couldn't stop pouring down my cheeks

I just want to disappear ……

I just want to be kidnapped, murdered, hit by a car … or anything …

But the streets are so empty and dark … everyone are enjoying the Easter holiday

When I sit here crying alone …

I cried and cried till my head hurt

"Shiroi?"

I heard someone calling my name … but I couldn't realize who was it …

My vision was blurry because of the tears … I wiped them and looked at the source of the voice

Out of all people … it was that Keita …

With his friends … I suppose

Just what does he want? I'm not a good mood to tolerate his teasing and annoyance …

"Shiroi are you okay?"

"Hmmm ~ is she your girlfriend?" one of them asked

"It's non of your business" he replied slightly hitting that someone's shoulder

Another one said as he stuck his tongue out : "Come on guys let them enjoy their romantic moments ~"

"See ya Keita ~" with that they left

He sat on his knees infront of me and said with a low voice: "Shoroi … what happened?"

I answered with a tired weak tone: "it's nothing …… besides … I told you a hundred times … not to call me with my first name"

His tone got serious as he asked: "is it your brother?"

My eyes widen a bit … "how do you know about him?"

"Uh … I just guessed … I mean … you live in an apartment and you reject every guy who confess to you immediately so …… I thought that it has something to do with your family"

I said in between tears: "Yeah … I just … hate guys …… each one of them … they are either heartless creatures like my 'so called brother' and his father who keep hitting and cursing nonstop … or creatures who use people … especially women … as toys to satisfy their needs …"

He said nothing … instead he pat my head

"…… How dare you touch me"

"Umm …… sorry …" he took his hand away

"…………… don't stop now" I solicited

…… I can't believe I said that … but I really did …… it just … remind me of my father's gentleness … whenever I got sad or cried he used to pat my head …… I guess I really miss that …

He continued patting my head then he asked me to follow him

We went to a nearby vending machine as he bought me a juice …

I rejected it at the beginning but as always he insisted … besides I was kinda thirsty because of all that shouting and crying …

so I end up taking it …

Well I didn't thank him or anything …

As everyone knows my pride doesn't allow me to thank or apologize to anyone

"Wanna hang out for a while ~ ?" he said

"…… No I just wanna go and sleep peacefully …"

"Oh come on it's the Easter holiday do you really want to sit alone in your apartment!?"

"Yes …"

He dragged and I was too weak to resist 

We kept walking for a while then we entered a mall …

We headed to a book shop …

I looked around for a while

"Oh my god!! it's the novel I was waiting for!"

That's the only good thing that has happened to me today

Hm? was he looking at me?

Well … whatever …

I took it with a slight smile then paid for it and left …

"Okay I guess now you can return to your apartment … enjoy the novel and stay strong"

"I'm always strong"

He slightly laughed "Haha yeah sure"

I returned to my apartment and started reading as I forgot almost everything bad and focused on the novel only that I slept kinda late that night …