Lost without you...

The break up.

Jade's POV:

"I'm going to walk out that door and count to ten." I started. "And if your not out there then I'm going home... and we're over." I said holding back the tears that was forming in my eyes.

I opened the door. "One!" I said and closed the door.

I waited a second before carrying on.

"Two!" I said taking a shaky breath.

No movement.

"Three!"
I hear a sigh and some footsteps.
"Four!"
He's coming!!
"Five!"
Then I hear Trina screaming followed by a thud and arguing. I decided to wait for the arguing to finish before I carry on counting.
After the noise died down I then yelled.
"Six!"
He will be out in a second.
"Seven!"
Or maybe not... I roll up my sleeves and look at my scars. Manly the newest one that I did last night. That was why me and beck argued last night. I sigh and pull my sleeve down.
"Eight!"
Where is he!?
"Nine!" Stop playing tricks on me beck!
"Ten!..." I yell.
I stand there looking at the door as if I could see straight through, a tear rolled down my face, and building up slight anger.

I step forward and place my hand on the door knob. Ready to go in and yell at him! But what's the point? He don't love me anymore. Nobody really does...
I look down in shame and take a step back glancing at the door once more before walking away and getting in my car, and driving away.

Tears rolling down my face, at a constant speed. Why was I so stupid to think he Would come after me?

After what seemed like forever of driving home, I finally arrived. I switched off the car engine. I quickly glance in the mirror making sure my eyes are not to puffy. I don't want to look like an idiot in front of my whole family. It's family dinner night tonight. So everyone in my family gets together and has fun, I never do though. I only speak to my brother and my twin cousins And sometimes my mom.

My mom is the only one part from beck and cat who knows about my depression, and how bad it gets. I've had awful days where I've cried for hours felling worthless and unwanted, but beck's always been there for me, and told me otherwise. But he's not anymore. Sometimes my depression led to me cutting my wrists, once my mom found out she got rid of all my blades, but she doesn't know I've got a few hidden in my bedroom.

After checking my eyes and wiping the last of my tears for now out of my face, I close my car door locking it, and walking up to my front door. I heard music play and a few laughs.

I open the door and everyone glared at me. I suddenly felt insecure and that nobody wanted me here. I hang my bag up and run up the stairs. The music still playing. I run and hide on my room and start to cry again. I run over to my bed and climb on and cuddle the only teddy I've ever kept. I know it seems weird me having a teddy bear. But it's helped me through rough times. Over the loud music playing I hear a nock at the door followed my my moms voice.

"Honey can I come in?" She asks with a concerned voice. I don't answer.

She opens the door slowly trying not to startle me. She closed the door behind her just so I know that she wants me to open up to her.

"Honey,baby. What's wrong?" My mom says running over to me and gives me a tight hug.

"B-b-beck, h-he broke up with m-me." I cry out.

"Omg baby." My mom starts. "Don't ever get upset about him. He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't know who he's getting rid off." My mom said trying to make me feel better. She kissed my cheek and sat on my bed next to me.

"Tell me what happened." My mom said.

"Well, h-he was fed up with us arguing so he dragged me to Tori's house to say his friends don't even want us around because we fight s-so much. I felt embarrassed when he said that to me. He was basically blaming it all on me. Saying I don't make him happy. I then said I want to get food but he said he's tired of fighting. so I said I'm going to walk out the door and if he's not out there by The count of ten we're over, and he never opened the d-door!" I said crying my eyes out.

"There's plenty more men out their for you. Better than him, they would treat you the way you need and deserve to be treated. I promise! it's just not him." My mum said wiping the tears out my face.

"And bigger sizes." My mom said jokingly and nudging my arm with her elbow. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly at her awful joke.

"Mom!" I say and clear my throat.

"What it's not like I know you both didn't have it. There's no hiding that from me." She said making Me smile a bit, clearly embarrassed.

Then my bedroom door opened revealing my 6 year old little brother Harry, he closed the door and stood next to my bed facing me holding his toy dinosaur.

"Jeff wants to know if your okay?" Harry said.

"Ye I'm fine." I smile. "Can I have a hug?" He asked after my response. I nod my head and he climbs on the bed and hugs me tight. I kiss the top of his long hair and cuddle him back.

"Jade honey I'll be downstairs if you need me. Come down when your ready." She said standing up walking to the door turning round and looking at me and Harry  me and Harry. I nod my head in agreement and then she left. 

"Why were you crying?" Harry asked braking our hug.

"Beck and I are not together anymore. So he won't be coming round anymore." I say.

"Oh,Okay." He says. "Jadey, if I was your age and not your brother, I would date you." He says trying to make me feel better.

"You would now would you?" I ask raising my eyebrow.

"Yes. Your the best sister ever! And I love you soooo much! And your so pretty!" He says. My heart melts and I hug him and give him a kiss.

"Let me fix my make up and then should we go downstairs for a bit?" I ask him while I walk over to my mirror.

"I don't have anyone to play with though." He says looking at his feet with a pout.

"I'll play with you." I said wiping the remaining make-up off my face.

"Yay! Can we also make a video for your slap page?" He asked.

"Sure we can." I reply.

Harry always cheers me up, he relays on me all the time. Everyone thinks I hate him, but that's not true. I've always loved him.

Harry played with Jeff (his toy dinosaur) while I finished applying my make-up.

Once I finished he came running up to me and hugged my leg. I smiled slightly and picked him up, making his sit on my hip like you do with little kids.

"Love you jade." He says to me.

"I love you too." I say, He kissed my cheek quickly before I opened my bedroom door.

I closed it behind me and I walked down the stairs with Harry on my arms. We walked over to the kitchen, grabbing myself and Harry a glass of water.

We walkover to a corner of the house where my uncle, father, cousin, grandfather, my dads friend and my second cousin. Are sitting around the dining room table. Their playing a card game.

"What you playing?" I asked.

"Cards." My dads friend said in a duhhh voice.

"I know that I'm not stupid. What game of cards are you playing?" I asked.

"We're playing poker." My grandfather said, did I mention his nose got blown off in the war? He was very lucky he survived.

"How do you play it?" Harry asked.

"I'll explain it to you when your older." My cousin said.

"Now bugger off!" My dad said placing a card down on the table.