Because of You, Well, Us

Kate

 Even after he left the kitchen, I could still feel Chase's hands on my back, tracing random shapes. The thought of all the random affection Chase gave me, which lead to strange, excited feelings and goose bumps. We had been friends for a long time. For the past few years, I had suppressed my feelings for him without much trouble. Forcing my feelings away had become priority number one this summer. It had worked for a while, but Chase showing me so much affection made all of these old emotions return. I had never even liked another guy besides Chase. I knew we were best friends, but I hadn't expected him to miss me as much as he had seemed. It gave me this false sense of hope, but I tried not to pay too much attention to it. I needed Chase to leave as soon as possible so I could go for a long run and try to clear my head. In hindsight, inviting him over probably wasn't my best idea.

The floorboards creaked as Chase waked back in the room. I had hoped that the flush in my face had gone away.

"All done Chief. What can I do now?" He asked.

I looked at the pan on the stove to see the pasta had finished, and the microwave chose that time to ding and let me know the vegetables had finished, too. Turning to face him, I surprised myself by finding it difficult to meet his eye.

"It's all done here. Grab one of these pots and bring it to the table." I murmured, stirring the noodles just for something to do.

Chase smiled "Will do." He reached past me, resting a hand on my waist. Despite knowing his touch only meant to balance him, my face still flushed. Reaching past me the other way, he turned off the music I had playing. I thought I had heard him sniff my hair or perfume, but I could have imagined it too.

As we sat down and started eating, Chase started talking, "Can you believe we've been friends for almost seven years? It's just so hard for me to grasp. We're so old." He laughed to himself a bit. Then he looked up at me with a look I had never seen before. Then again, he had an endless amount of funny faces. He looked more serious than normal, though because he reached over and squeezed my hand. Chills went up my spine at his touch.

I watched him as he ate. Over the summer, he had gained some muscle. Traces of stubble grew along his jaw. Chase couldn't even grow one hair on his chin when I had left at the beginning of the summer, and the sudden urge to touch it surprised me. I imagined feeling the different contours of his face, and how he would lean in to kiss me after. I let out an involuntary gasp at the thought, startling him.

Chase sat up to look at me. "Are you aright Kate? Something wrong? Did you burn yourself?" His hand found my arm again. It felt nice, but at the same time it felt awkward.

Against my secret wishes, I pulled my hand away and stood up. "You finished?" I asked, pointing to his plate. I started to clear the table anyway. I couldn't believe I could act this awkward around Chase, the guy who had known me and stuck with me when my hair got all frizzy and I grew freakishly tall after hitting puberty, among other strange events in my life.

Chase stood up as well and took the plates from my hand. He took a step closer, his forehead almost resting on mine.

"You will sit outside and relax on the porch while I clean up. I'll come out there in a few with my guitar." Chase leaned in like he wanted to finish this argument by kissing me on the cheek, but he stepped back before doing anything. I cleared my throat and followed his directions.

The air had become deceptively cold, so I turned to head back inside to grab a blanket. Right in the hall, I ran into Chase. My hand touched his chest to stop myself. It felt firm, like I thought it would.

He giggled. I'm serious, Chase actually giggled at me. "I thought I told you to stay outside. What are you doing here?" He said with fake sternness.

I could hardly talk. "It-it's cold o-out there. I-I came to... blanket." I sputtered, I still couldn't tell what had gotten into me.

Chase looked down at me smiling. "I figured it would be. Ergo, the blankets for out warming pleasure." He rolled his shoulder back to show the blanket under his arm.

My hand still rested on his chest, and I noticed the way he smiled down at me. Then Chase started inching his face towards me and dropped the blanket. Thankfully he did, because it snapped me back to reality and I pushed him away. I had just spent the whole summer trying to get over him. These feelings couldn't come back again.

"Let's head outside, shall we?" I bent down to pick up the blanket. He did too, and my head collided with his with a dull thud, and both of us seemed surprised.

"Kate, are you okay?" He took my face in his hands, seeming to not be thinking. Chase ran a thumb over my temple where we collided, and then I noticed him just staring at my lips and slowly coming closer for the second time. However, this time I stepped away and grabbed the blanket from the floor. Without looking back, I went out on the porch.

He appeared flustered, but followed me out the door anyway. I sat on the old wicker chair and Chase flopped on the glider, guitar case at his feet.

And in that moment, I realized just how deep my feelings for Chase had gotten, and I knew I had screwed myself over when it came to not feeling that way for him anymore.