Because of You, Well, Us

Chase

Kate and I had spent the entire weekend together. We dozed all of Saturday afternoon, randomly connecting at various points, before deciding we were starving and heading to Crazy Pete's for food.

We thought about just parting ways there, but that didn't happen and the second we got into her dorm, we were all over each other again. I'd walked her back to her building, and then she opened the door to her hall, and held it open. We stood, awkwardly, outside her room. I could tell neither of us knew what to do or say.

"Well," Kate drew out

"Yeah," I took a deep breath to try and clear my head, but then Kate took a step towards me, stood on her toes, and kissed me deeper than I ever thought imaginable. I kissed her back, and the kissing quickly progressed to fast and urgent. She reached back for the knob to her door, and we stumbled into her room and each took off our own clothes as quickly as possible before falling into her still unmade bed.

"Chase, what are we going to do?" Kate asked, collapsing on my chest after a go on Saturday night. She held my hand above our heads, and the other stroked my chest by her face. I could barely hear her above the din of the radiator in the corner and my own thoughts. Kate only used this voice when fear overwhelmed her

"I have no idea, Katie." I replied, just as quietly. And I didn't know. I didn't know what she wanted, and I didn't want to scare her like I had last time.

I felt her smile at the use of her old nickname, but then Kate sighed, either out of content or frustration; I couldn't tell. Either way, I planted a series of kisses on her shoulder to try and provide some sort of comfort as she fell asleep.

On Sunday, we woke up and immediately couldn't keep our hands off each other. I woke up to her stirring awake, and when she looked up at me and smiled, I couldn't resist her. We were a bit sloppy and still half asleep, but we didn't care. After everything that had happened, we got a bit dehydrated since we'd forgotten water, or anything of substance. I remembered Kate picking my shirt off of the floor and putting it on so she could get water from the drinking fountain down the hall. My shirts looked so much better on her.

When she came back, she tortured me by walking as slow as possible. She handed me a cup and I took a sip before reaching for her again, grabbing the tails of my shirt and pulling her towards me.

"Chase, you'll make me spill!" She laughed, but she came towards me anyway, teasing smile on her lips.

"Who cares?" I tugged her closer until she set her cup down and climbed on top of me. I didn't like that I sleeping with her and feeling unable to tell her how I felt, but I couldn't stop touching her.

I knew people would start moving back into the dorms that afternoon, so I left when Kate fell back asleep. She had fallen asleep with her head on my chest, and I had to ease myself from under her. Kate still wore my shirt, but it still looked better on her. I tried not to think too hard as I gathered my clothes, kissed Kate one last time, and left. It almost killed me to do it. I don't even know why I left; I should have stayed.

What I wanted was to have stayed there, lying beside her. Hearing her breathe, smelling her smell, just everything. I'd wanted to tell her how I felt all weekend, but I didn't want to ruin what we had. I didn't wanted to scare her, especially since she had just come back into my life. I knew whatever I did would upset her, so I made a choice. I figured this would cause her less pain. I'd wanted to tell her and I didn't. Instead, I did what I thought she wanted me to do, and left. I've been regretting it ever since.