Because of You, Well, Us

Kate

That weekend had been the most consecutive time I had spent with Chase... ever. Even though I had lived with his family for a week when my parents went on a second honeymoon during my freshman year, and again shortly after my mom got diagnosed and going through chemo. Even then, we always gave each other plenty of alone time. Now I wanted all of my alone time to end up as his, too. As much as I didn't want to admit it, that weekend felt like one of the best of my life. Part of me wished it hadn't needed to end so soon. I hadn't expected him to leave while I slept, especially since I had stolen his shirt to sleep in. Guess it meant I had a keepsake from the weekend. It hung in my closet for a while, in the back, making my clothes smell like him.

Getting back into the swing of school for another semester seemed harder than it should have. I saw Chase around campus sometimes, but I don't think he ever saw me. That felt like the hardest part of it all. I didn't like having to get back into school, see Chase on campus, and act like nothing happened, like the first time he had kissed me all over again, only this time I had no idea how this one would end since the result of the last occurrence ended up as this one. I hated not knowing where he stood when it came to us, but not having the courage to talk to him about it. When he pursued me after we kissed, we got into a huge fight and didn't talk for over a year. Sleeping with someone sure felt a lot bigger than kissing someone. What if he regretted it? What if he wanted to take back the entire thing? What if college had turned Chase into a huge man whore, and I wasn't his former best friend anymore, just another star on the whiteboard for him? What if I suddenly meant nothing to him?

It felt as if something else should some into the situation. It wasn't feelings; of course I had feelings for Chase. I just didn't know what they were. I guess spending an entire weekend in bed with a guy doesn't give you much clarity. But one thing I knew for sure; I needed Lucy to come quickly.