Because of You, Well, Us

Kate

Seeing Chase at graduation, how can I describe it? Torture doesn't even begin to cover it. Glimpses of my past came just by looking in his general direction. And that kiss. I didn't know Chase could even kiss like that. I didn't know I could kiss like that. With Andy, I always over-analyzed stuff and thought about three steps ahead about what I would do with my hands. I didn't have to do that when I had kissed Chase. Maybe both of us leaving Elm's View would end up being for the best. I'd stuck to my guns about my decision to go to Yale, and Chase never told me what school he had chosen.

Aunt Shari flew all the way over in about mid-August to teach my dad pretty much how to function by himself again. She hung out and helped me get ready for college. Dad didn't really want to think about me leaving just yet. Then she would rent a van, and take me to Yale.

During the course of the summer, I decided English wasn't really for me. I liked people and I needed people. Kids, like I felt now. I kept the English, but added education thinking that an English teacher would end up a good fit for me.

All too quickly, the time came. Chase's birthday. Surprisingly, his phone went to voicemail. Then again, I hadn't expected any less since I didn't even think he had my number anymore. I guess him just letting it ring felt better than him ignoring it right away, but a part of me that thought he would have picked up after what had happened at graduation. I never left a voicemail. Somehow, that would have been too hard.

A week later, I sat shotgun while Aunt Shari drove. After bittersweet goodbyes and promises to call, e-mail and come home for Christmas. On our drive across the vast amount of land known as North America, I could see glimpses of a car I knew I had seen before. The same one every time, with a little white trailer attached to the back. I had seen that before too, i the driveway of the house next door. Chase and his mom. I had seen them once or twice as either we passed them, or they passed us. A swell of sadness came with it every time, washing ashore, and causing me to slip my sunglasses on again.

This year, I had my own room at Dad's request but just for this year. Next year, Lucy would be coming to Yale and rooming with me. She wanted to visit sometime this year, and see if she truly wanted to come. We had it all planned, and at this moment, it seemed like the only thing holding me together.

The girls in my dorm seemed pretty nice. By the end of the first week of classes, I knew most of them by name, but wasn't really friends with any of them. It's not that they acted mean or unpleasant, but after having Chase as my best friend for so long, I found it hard to connect with girls. One of the girls who lived next door to me, Ellen, had a birthday the third week of class. Along with that, she also had a very loving boyfriend, her high school sweetheart with whom she had started Yale the year before. Despite the age difference, she and I somehow clicked well.

The evening of her birthday, dear Lance, Ellen's boyfriend, got a bunch of guys from his dorm to help him serenade Ellen for her birthday. Since she lived so close, I could hear them over the music I played while doing my homework.

One of the voices caught my ear the most. I had heard it a few times over the past few years, paired with the sounds of guitar strings strumming. Looking out of my window, either my biggest dream or my worst nightmare had gotten confirmed.

Chase chose Yale after all. I couldn't believe it somehow I knew I should have known this would happen. We seemed so young when we got into Saraville that I didn't think he would even remember that pact we made when we were little. Then again, I didn't know for sure that he had chosen Yale because of me. I just knew that he was here, and I couldn't decide if that made me more excited than I had felt in years, or more terrified than I'd ever experienced.