Because of You, Well, Us

Kate

Freshman year is one of the longest in college. Senior year is one of the fastest. Especially when you don't have a job yet, or anything else you're supposed to have by the time you graduate. I didn't see much of anyone that year. I told myself I'd apply myself to my studies. Then the whole second semester I had student teaching.

Chase must have added education as well because I saw him at staff meetings. Even though we weren't working at the school, we still had to go to them. I tried my best not to be alone or make eye contact with him. It seemed too hard now. Every time we ran into each other somewhere in the school, he just looked at me, and I could see him calculating how old our kid would have been, and what he thought might have happened. I didn't mind, though, because it was something I still did as well, even after all of this time

It almost felt like our senior year of high school again. Our relationship consisted of awkward waves and tight lipped smiles as we passed each other in the hall, or on campus. I still spent breaks in Maine, and had finally come to telling my dad what had happened. He'd gotten teary, yet the jury still remained as to if he cried out of emotional pain, or knowing his daughter had sex with a guy.

Then my dad started giving me all of these all-knowing glances and eyeing me whenever he saw me on breaks. I knew I had missed something, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Once when I went home for a break, I went to my dad's office to ask about something, and he rushed me out while he when he spoke on the phone. Maybe he had started dating again, and didn't know how I would feel about it if I found out.

Then the all-too bittersweet day of graduation came. My dad flew over, Aunt Shari and Uncle Doug drove down with the kids. Now, I just needed my mom. I kept thinking about her and how proud she would have been. She would have wanted me to act strong, too. Just like she had been through the chemo, radiation and surgeries. Even in the end, she laughed and smiled all the time, even when the pain increased.

As I greeted my family afterwards, I saw Chase walking over out of the corner of my eye. My dad saw him and kept darting his eyes back and forth between us, smiling. Chase walked up and gave me a hug.

"Congrats, grad." He laughed. That in the combination with the hug made me to weak in the knees. Not to mention that the last time we had hugged at a graduation, we'd made out like crazy. The last time we'd made out like crazy, we'd had sex.

I shoved all of that aside I tried acting polite, "You too." I gave him a tight squeeze and stepped away, not wanting to act awkward.

Looking nervous, he turned to my family. "Is it okay if I steal her away for a bit?" He kept a hand in mine, I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me.

Everyone nodded, smiling like crazy. Didn't do much for my nerves.

What was going on? Why wasn't Chase with Amanda? As far as I knew, they were still dating. I wasn't complaining about the guy I was still somewhat in love with, leading me away, all alone, but the question remained legitimate.

"Where's Amanda?" I asked, trying not to sound rude or prying.

"We broke up about a year ago. Around when school let out, I think." He said, acting nonchalant.

"Why?" I asked, still trying to keep my voice neutral.

Chase looked over at me, "Because she wasn't you."