Because of You, Well, Us

Chase

Sunday evening felt cold, but looked clear and starry. I had seen Kate and Lucy a few times over the weekend, which made me heart beat a little quicker. Not to mention that I wanted to grab Kate away from Lucy and have my way with her every time, so we could finish our weekend the proper way.

Waking towards Crazy Pete's, my breath came out in little puffs. I should have offered to pick her up. Closing in on the coffee shop, I saw Kate sitting in the corner at a table. She looked tired, I assumed from having Lucy around all weekend. That didn't stop her from looking absolutely beautiful. Ever since our weekend, I'd started noticing different things about her in the few times I saw her, like how her hair fell in her face every so often, and how she always just shoved it back instead of tucking it behind her ear or pulling it back. The bell rang as I entered and Kate looked up to see who had come in. My glasses fogged in the temperature difference, and I heard Kate laugh at the sight of me.

As I got closer, she stood up. I gave her a hug and peck on the cheek before sitting down. I could feel that she seemed tense, nervous, which made me kind of glad I wasn't the only one. We both started to say something.

"Chase, I-"

"Do you-"

She laughed, nervously. "You first, what's up?"

"Do you want to walk around with our coffee? Get some fresh air?"

"Sure."

Kate scoffed when I paid for her coffee, and again when I opened the door for her. For a while we just walked around New Haven in silence. No awkwardness whatsoever, which I really liked. It had always felt like that for us, knowing that loving her didn't change much brought a strange sense of comfort. I wanted to act like a couple. If I did the right thing tonight, maybe we would be.

I reached out for her hand when Kate piped up with, "Well, since we're almost back to campus, someone should say something, I guess."

"Ladies first." I said. Save the punch line for last, I guess.

She took a deep breath. "See, I'm not even sure I actually even need to tell you this, but I guess it's too late now."

I grabbed her hand so she would turn and look at me, "Kate, don't feel like you have to tell me anything. Just say what you want."

"Okay, here goes." She took a deep breath. It made me a bit nervous that she wouldn't meet my eye. "You know how Lucy visited here this weekend? Well I needed her to something I needed her to get for me. Because of you, or well, us."

"What did you need?" Why hadn't she asked me to get it for her?

"A pregnancy test."

My world stopped turning. I almost dropped my coffee cup. Kate having a baby? I had gotten her pregnant? That wasn't possible!

"Chase? Chase! Don't do that freaky silent thing like that. You know that scares me. You actually have nothing to worry about-"

I didn't even let her finish before almost screaming at her, "Yes I do, Kate! If I'm the one who-" I got it. "You didn't get a-" I couldn't even say it. "Did you?" I reached for her stomach, as if a baby would kick this soon.

"Chase! Will you let me finish?" She pushed my outstretched hand away and took a step back. I felt badly for yelling at her, but I wanted answers, "I took the test, but before it had read the results, there I saw lots of blood. Then Lucy looked at it and-"

"So you lost it? Why didn't you call me and tell me you were-" Again, I just felt so shocked that I couldn't even say what I really thought, "Why didn't you tell me?" My voice sounded surprisingly quiet. Immediately I thought of the conversation we had on the phone a few days ago.

"Yes. I lost the...baby." She paused for a second as it set it, "That seems so weird to say. I didn't tell you because I didn't wan to know how you would react. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but it's how I handled it."

I just felt confused, making my head spin "How could I have... gotten you... pregnant? We were safe. You're on the pill."

"And it doesn't always work, Chase." Looking over, I finally saw her face. She looked like she could cry.

"Why did you not tell me? We've been friends for years, you know you can tell me anything, especially if it effects my life too." My voice got louder as I went on. I didn't know why I felt so angry, or if the situation even warranted getting so angry, but I couldn't deny how I felt, "Kate, I'm the one who got you pregnant, and I'm the one who would have become a father." She folded into herself, something she did when she got upset, "You should have told me." I said, making my voice quieter "Why didn't you tell me when you thought of it as a possibility?"

"I don't know, okay? I got scared, and I didn't know how you would react. I mean, just after kissing we didn't talk for a long time, and-" She cut herself off because she started crying.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm being such an ass." I hugged her. She grabbed the lapel of my coat and cried. I stroked her hair, and she kept crying. Right there, in the middle of campus. All because of me. Like always, I had made Kate, first and foremost my best friend, cry.

"It's not your fault." She said after she had calmed down. "It's not like I wanted kids right now, but if I had stopped taking my pills after I suspected, then maybe-"

I squeezed her tighter. "It's not your fault either, and you know that shit about the pill causing miscarriages is a crock. Just blame science if anything."

She pulled away, dragging her sleeve across her eyes. "Thanks Chase. For listening and for the coffee." She smiled, but I could tell she was still hurting. I wanted to do something to make her feel better, but I didn't know what I could do. It seemed like she wanted me to go away.

"No, not a problem. And hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, I guess I kind of owe it to you since I'm the one who... you know." I couldn't even say it.

"Yeah. Thanks."

Taking a few steps back towards me, Kate took hold of my collar again, pulled me down towards her and kissed me. I kissed her back and held her tightly. All too soon she wriggled free from my grip. I hardly had time to react before she turned and walked into the blackness.

And I had forgotten to tell her.