Because of You, Well, Us

Chase

I tuned my guitar a second after adjusting my strap. I took one last glance over at Kate curled up in the chair, took a deep breath, and played. I tried to remember Kate's favorites. It felt like so long since I had played for her. She had hardy talked to me while in Maine. We'd traded random texts and phone calls here and there, but never long enough to play something for her. I had assumed she had gotten busy with her family, but maybe there had been something else. Looking over at here again, I saw her eyes had closed and lips started smiling. My stupid brain kept thinking of kissing her.

I had almost done it, I had almost kissed her. I felt so weak and stupid for not doing it. Switching to another one of her favorites, her smile widened. I couldn't focus anymore and so I stopped.

Her eyes eased opened and Kate had a dazed look about her.

"Kate? Where'd you go?" I murmured.

She put a subtle smile on her face and turned to look at me. "Sorry, I was thinking about my mom." Emma, Kate's mom, had died about six months ago from breast cancer.

Through the darkness, I saw Kate reach up to her eye. The thought of her mom still made her pretty raw. I had forgotten those songs became her favorite because they were also Emma's favorites, and most likely the last songs she ever heard with her mom.

Putting my guitar back I whispered, "Come here. And that's not a request." At first she had curled into the opposite corner of the glider. After a minute, I pulled her over to me and set her between my legs.

Resting her head on my chest she sighed, "I just miss her so much Chase. I need her." She started to sniff more and I could feel damp spots on my shirt.

My fingers wove through her hair. "I know, I know. If I had thought, I wouldn't have played those songs. I would have-" Kate put a hand on my mouth to stop me. It surprised me a bit, and I felt my breath catch.

"It's okay Chase. Really." Her hand lingered on my lips a second longer than they needed to. I couldn't resist puckering my lips into a sift kiss before she put it back on my chest by her nose.

Everything about Kate seemed different and new. It wasn't just her hair, or her tan, or how her body seemed different, but how she seemed to act around me now.. Just sitting there holding her seemed different and new. She even smelled different. After a bit of quite sitting and swinging, I could hear little snores. Kate had fallen asleep on my chest, and her face looked so still and quiet. As if she didn't have a care in the world.

Gently, as not to wake her, I picked her up and carried her up to her room. After setting her in her bed, I'm ashamed to say that I lay there for a bit with her. I just wanted to know what it would feel like. The way my hand fit in the curve of her waist, and how she fit against me. It almost felt like we had been made for each other. But we weren't, I knew that. It didn't stop me from staying there with her until I knew she had fallen fast asleep.

After a while, I got up and kissed her temple. Kate's skin felt soft and still cool from the night air. When I got up to leave, I kissed her temple without even thinking about it. Shame filled my chest, but also a slight sense of happiness. Even as I left her room to clean up from dinner, I could still feel her skin on my lips. I did my best to shirk the memories as I cleaned the rest of our mess, and locked up her house for the night. Yet I still couldn't get away from the desire to stay with Kate as I returned to my own house.