Serious in Love ✔

32- "No matter where you go, or whom you be with, you'll never find me."

32- “No matter where you go, or whom you be with, you'll never find me.”

« VANSH »

It hurt.

It really fucking hurt.

As I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling for God knows how many hours, I recalled a conversation I had with a certain ex of Natasha, months ago. It wasn't the whole conversation but some words spoken by him.

When each breath feels like a million worth of cash, when you wanna rip your heart out because it hurts that fucking much. When love goes out to suffocate you... so much that not even your own dick can stand up to it. That's brutal love to its finest.

Funny how those words I disregarded as over dramatic at one time, made so much sense now. Every word he uttered felt physically real. I wondered how that man who went through that pain survived, because I hell as couldn't. Fuck, even alcohol couldn't help me in ridding off the heaviness in my heart. Hardly a minute went by when I didn't think of Ahana. Hardly a day went by when I didn't cry. Living alone had it perks in this case. I could shout if I wanted to and nobody would bat an eye about that. I could throw a thing or two and nobody would accuse me for it. But it was still hard to breathe. I had to shove each hour past my throat to survive. It sounded batshit crazy but that's exactly what I've been feeling. Crazy. Sick. Mad. I wished someone could take my place already. It was becoming suffocating to be me. To be in the company of a isolated room and feel like a year has passed into nothingness, when it had only been a couple of days.

I bet a hospital stay would be thousand times better than this. Atleast you would have something good to look forward to, after getting discharged. What did I have to look forward to? It was yet another day, with yet another painful reminder of what I lost. I couldn't work properly as a result. Even my collegues were suspicious but they didn't pry much and for once, I was thankful for it.

It wasn't like I didn't try to contact Ahana. More like how else should I contact her? Whatsapp, Facebook, voice message, SMS, you name it, I've messaged her on every communication platform possible. Hell, I even sent her a short letter yesterday, hoping it would do some trick. I've already called her thirty times before she placed my numbers on reject list. And now, that cunning woman blocked me from social sites, too. I felt like banging my head against her for making me suffer like this. Instead, I'd pull my hair to satisfy my frustration.

Ironically, this craziness was the only thing that wasn't letting me give up on her. I would still message her; I would still try to call her, from different numbers and accounts. I contacted her till she was forced to reply. She would mostly tell me to leave her alone and that, we were over for good.

And, then what? I would message her all over again. As I stated earlier, I was becoming crazy. Except I wasn't satisfied. Despite my harsh efforts, I wasn't getting what I wanted. She was being stubborn as hell but I couldn't afford to stay this way. I would explode if I didn't do something.

~

It took balls to do something like this. To take your car and wait right in front of her workplace. I thought of parking outside her home instead but that would have been extreme. I was crazy but I hadn't lost my mind completely. I waited and waited. I noticed some of her employees who passed me by, throwing suspicious glances at me, wondering who the shady man was. A man who wasn't even trying to enter. An hour later, few unfamiliar people passed by and returned back to the office. Even the watchman was starting to grow suspicious but he didn't confront me since I hadn't parked my car in front of the gate. Neither did I ask for a permit.