Under Your Influence (GANG Series)

Chapter 41

Arias POV

I've only gotten half way through Central Park, my thoughts all scrambled repeating themselves again every second. Too much for my mind to catch up with them. I feel like putting my fist through a wall and curling myself up in a little corner while crying, all at the same time. Overall I just feel like nothing. I feel like nothing or no one can make this any better. Well except for one person. For some reason only he can. I've been through a lot of bullshit with so many people. My trust is one of the most fragile things in the world. I've opened up to Jacob faster than I have to anyone else.

Hell, my best friends didn't even know what I was going through or what I had gone through  until we got into our fist year of high school. It took me over 10 years to open up to my parents and tell them what was wrong with me. My first couple therapy sessions were pointless. I didn't even talk. I just relied on my aunt Aleina to be my distraction when I felt like my life was going to hell. My grandma, well she's my guardian angel. I've never had a reason to be unhappy around her, unless it was because someone put me down or I was having one of those I wanna kill myself days.

In that moment I realized something. It scared me. It really did. I trusted Jacob Delgado more than anyone else in the world. Of course it scared me. He's so bipolar. I never know what's gonna happen with him, what's gonna tick him off, or just make him blow up completely.

He has been changing though. He's turned into this caring, sweet, thoughtful guy that never showed when I first met him. So yes. I can picture something real with him, even though I've never even been in a real relationship with anyone else.

I need to talk to him. I need to see him. Too many thoughts have filled up my body. And I need someone to take some of this weight off of my mind and off of my heart.

Me: can we talk? I need you please

I send the message and hold my phone to my chest hoping that he replies. Fast.

Several minutes pass and there's still no reply. I decide to just put my phone in my pocket. What could he possibly be doing? My stomach starts to churn at the thought of him going back to Reagan or just going to have fun with any other woman. I shake the thought, knowing that he wouldn't do that now. Why should I care? He isn't mine. He never was mine to begin with. I've already developed such deep feelings for this man. That's why I care.

I come across the street where I was almost kidnapped. Winchester. Yup, the same Starbucks, pet shop, and alleyway. I start to think that maybe I shouldn't be here. Maybe I shouldn't be out alone in the streets. Not when there is a gang out there to get me. I need to get out of here. I don't wanna go back home.

Hell, I'm not so sure that was even my home to begin with.

I entered in an address into my map app on my phone and chose the walking distance . Thirty minute walk? Ugh. Whatever keeps me from home. I begin my miniature journey.

I finally arrive. That was more than thirty minutes. Of course at my sulking pace, the only one to blame for the stretched time is me.

Sydney Cove Park. It was the same one Jacob brought me to last month. All of it seems so long ago. I tread up the large hill, feeling my legs starting to get tired. I approach the swings and sit on one of them and stare off into the city lights.  This really is relaxing. The view has slowed down my thoughts. Now I fully understand why Jacob likes coming up here. All my thoughts have cleared, my focus only on my breathing and the lights. I've escaped. Escaped my nightmares, thoughts, myself. I know that this is only temporary so I take it all in.

Hours have passed. Hours and hours of me staring out at the city. I check the time.

Crap, it's almost nine.