High School // Malec

Chapter 8.

- Alec, please open your eyes
Izzy's beautiful voice rang through my head like a melody. I could feel how her soft hands in my hair and it truly felt like the touch of an angel. I tried to open my eyes, I really did, but it was like I couldn't. My eyelids were too heavy and when I tried to move my body, I only felt pain. I have no idea where I was or how I ended up here, but I know that the blame is on me. The last thing I remember is seeing the blood running down my arm and how I collapsed on the floor. I remember how I screamed after someone to help me, how I screamed after Izzy, but everything else is just like a fuzzy nightmare. The only thing that was going through my mind was death and emptiness. Was this the end? Am I going to die? Somehow, that thought didn't scare me. I have seen what happens to people in movies when they die. I have seen how the light in their tired eyes disappear and how they finally find peace. I want that too, I want to find my own peace and escape from the constant pain and chaos that I'm feeling every fucking day.
- Alec, open your eyes. I'm not ready for you to leave me. I love you
Her beautiful voice was filled with so much pain that it broke my heart. She was terrified because of me, because of what I did to myself.
- You can't leave us
Max voice suddenly rang through my head like a thousands of bells. Was he here too? Was my whole family here? I wanted to scream, oh my god, I have never wanted to scream this much before. I tried to move my body once again but just like the first time, I only felt pain. It felt like someone was hitting me over and over again with a sledgehammer and I couldn't seriously do anything to stop it.
- I know you can do it, Alec. You're my big brother and I love you
I felt how Max placed his small hand in mine and it that moment, I actually felt terrified of dying. I wanted to be able to open my eyes and see my baby brother. I wanted to be able to open my eyes and see my beautiful sister. I have always thought that I was ready to die, that I was ready to give up everything and disappear, but I'm not, at least not yet. Before I knew it, my eyes fluttered open and a bright light was the first thing I saw, but then I saw her. I saw Izzy. I saw how she stood beside me with red eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks.
- Alec? She asked with a broken voice and wide eyes
I know that I wouldn't be able to answer if u tried, so I nodded my head. The small movement brought me even more pain, but at the moment I didn't care. All the pain proved that I actually still was alive.
- By the angel, I thought I had lost you, she cried and threw her small arms around my neck
She hugged me like I was air and she couldn't breathe. Never in my whole life has anyone ever hugged me like she did. The hug contained so much feelings, like love and fear.
- I love you, Alec. I love you so damn much, she whispered in my ear
Minutes later, when Izzy finally let go of me, I could see everyone who actually was in the room with me. I could see Max, I could see Jace, I could see my mum and I could see my dad. There were all here with me and no matter how much I don't want to think about it, I know that they all thought I was going to die.
- Alec, I need you to tell me what happened, my mum said and looked at me with tears in her eyes
I tried to answer her, but no sound came out of my mouth. I don't know if it is because I'm in chock or because I have lost the ability to speak forever. No matter which alternative that was the true one, both of them scared me more than I possible could imagine.
- Answer your mother, my dad almost screamed and the only thing I could see in his eyes was hate
- I'm sorry, I stuttered
My voice was low and my throat felt dryer than ever. It felt like this was the absolute first time I ever talked. It felt weird, almost like I wasn't meant to have the ability to speak.
- What happened? My mum repeated, tears still streaming down her beautiful cheeks
- I don't know, I answered
- Do you really think we will believe in that lie? Tell us what happened or you're really going to wish that the angels are watching over you
My dad's voice was filled with hate and the way he looked at me, I swear, he could kill me right there.
- You're nothing more than a disappointment. This is your own fault, Alec. You have no one to blame beside yourself, he said
He left the room before I got the chance to answer. I almost died but he left the room like it didn't matter at all to him, because that is how it is. He doesn't care about me and no matter how much pain I'm going through, he will never care.
- I'll talk to him, my mother said
She gave me one last look and after that, she had left the room too. I changed my focus from the door to Jace. He was looking at me too, but I fast scared to look into his eyes. I didn't want to see if he was angry or if he was disgusted by me and that I actually ended up in this position because of what I did to myself.
- Where am I? I asked and tried to sit up in the bed I was laying in, but I still couldn't move at all without feeling so fucking much pain
- The hospital, Izzy answered
- Oh
- Alec, you need to tell us what happened, Jace said and came closer to where I was laying
- It's okay, don't worry, I answered and still tried to not look at him
- It's not fucking okay. You're here because you almost bled to death. The wound in your arm could have gotten you killed, Jace said and this time, his voice sounded angrier
- I didn't thought you cared
- What are you talking about? Of course I care about you, Alec. You're my adoptive brother and I love you
- You love me? Is that why you never talk to me? Is that why you're ignoring me in the corridors? I asked and felt how tears started making their way down my cheeks
- I thought you hated me! You have been so distant for years! What was I supposed to think? I have always loved you but when you stopped talking to me, I thought I had done something wrong and that you hated me! Jace almost screamed
- I could never hate you, I whispered
- If you just had told me about the bullies, about how you feel, this might never have happened
For the first time, I looked directly into his eyes and saw tears. Jace was crying and honestly, it broke my heart. I haven't seen him cry since we were 10 years old and he broke his arm when he fell down the stairs.
- I love you, Alec. You're my brother and no matter what happens, you'll always be my brother
- I love you too
Step by step, Jace came closer to where I was laying and before I knew it, his arms were holding onto me in a tight grip. I could feel how his whole body was shaking and his action made me cry even more.
- I love you so much, Jace whispered into my ear over and over again
- I'm sorry that I have no energy and I'm sorry that I'm depressed. I'm sorry I can't sleep at night and I'm sorry that if I do, I fall asleep at 3am. I'm sorry that I'm no fun to be around and I'm sorry that I'm so insecure and that I can't eat the same food as you guys. I'm sorry that I'm going nowhere in life and I'm sorry that I don't even have a reason to wake up, I sobbed and felt how everything inside of me broke
- You have nothing to apologise for, Alec. I'm the one who hasn't been there for you. I should have noticed that something was wrong with you. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? Jace asked and sobbed into my neck where his head still was placed
- Yes, I stuttered
I felt how Max and Izzy also joined the hug and in that moment, I don't think I ever have felt happier. I had lost a piece of myself but at the same time, I had gotten back my siblings and I couldn't ask for more.

// TBC \\

Wow, I actually made myself cry while I wrote this😭

I know that this story is really sad right now but don't give up on me. I promise that it will get better as time passes😇

I love you all and thanks for always supporting me❤️

STAY AWESOME

-Mathilda