High School // Malec

Chapter 54.

In the exact moment I opened my tried eyes, I could tell that this day was going to be nothing more than pure torture. Magnus was nowhere to be seen and the pounding pain in my head was slowly killing me. All I really wanted was to cuddle up with my boyfriend and forget all about the horrible world outside the four walls that keeps me safe, but I know that this day is not going to turn out that way at all. Magnus had left for school and even though I knew that he would return back to my house later today, I couldn't help but think that he finally had gotten tired of me and fled the battlefield faster than the speed of lightning. I let out a loud sigh and rolled over in the bed so I was facing the side Magnus had been laying on only a few hours ago. The wonderful scent of sandalwood still lingered in the bedsheets and I couldn't keep the smile off my lips as I thought about the day Magnus said that he truly loved that scent on me. A light knock on my door brought me back to reality and before I knew it, my beautiful mother walked into my room with a smile on her lips.
- Good morning, she said happily
I only smiled in response as I felt too exhausted to talk and I saw how my action brought a worried expression to my mother's usually happy face.
- Alec, are you okay?
She quickly walked over to where I was laying and carefully sat down beside my drained body on the bed.
- No, I muttered with a raspy voice
- What's wrong? My mother asked and laid down beside me on the bed
I felt how she started to massage my back and the feeling of her fingers softening every hurting spot made me want to scream out in happiness.
- I wish Magnus was here, I said
- Honey, he will be back from school before you know it, my mother said
- I know, I whispered
I pressed my mother's body closer to my own and cried silently into the crock of her neck. I felt pathetic for getting so emotional over something as stupid as wanting my boyfriend to be here and tell me that everything is going to be wonderful in the end.
- Is there something else on your mind or do you only miss Magnus? My mother asked and smiled a little
- I feel drained of energy and it's like my body and mind refused to work together, I answered and sighed
- I'm sorry, Alec. I really wish there was something I could do for you
I nodded my head slowly and dried away some of the tears that had escaped from my tired eyes.
- Do you want something to eat?
- No, I answered
I knew that my answer didn't satisfy my mother, but she didn't ask once more about it. She pressed a kiss on my forehead instead and pulled me in once more for a comforting hug.
- Remember what I told you, Alec. There's nothing wrong with feeling weak once in a while, mother said
- I hate feeling weak, I whispered
- I know, but you will survive this and become stronger than before
I let out a trembling breath and tried to pull myself together. I knew that my mother was right, but I couldn't help but still feel a little bit pathetic. My mother staid with me for a while until she sadly had to leave for work.
I could tell that she really didn't want to leave me all alone, but I insisted that I would be fine and that I would call if something happened. Minutes later, I was completely alone and it wasn't until I felt how my breathing started to become uneven that I realised that I was crying once again. Everything felt hopeless as Magnus wasn't by my side and all I wanted was for the pain to stop. I thought that I had gotten better, that I at least wasn't getting panic attacks anymore, but I proved myself wrong. I'm still the same suicidal teenager that I have been my whole damn life, but I just haven't noticed it since I have been on cloud nine ever since Magnus and I kissed for the very first time.
I couldn't lay still on my own bed anymore and before my brain got the chance to understand what was going on, I stood in the middle of the bathroom and looked at my own reflection in the mirror. My raven hair was a mess on my head and both of my eyes were red from all the crying. I was also paler than ever and it actually freaked me out to see myself like this. I took a deep breath and started to undress myself from my sweaty clothes. When all of my clothes were laying on the floor, I stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water. I felt how all of my tensed muscles relaxed under the running water, but it still didn't feel good enough. My mind was a war zone and both of my hands were shaking like there was no tomorrow. When it suddenly felt like my legs couldn't carry the rest of my body any longer, I sat down on the floor in the shower and leaned my head against the wall. My breathing was still fast and I knew that I would pass out soon if my lungs didn't get enough oxygen. I turned off the water after a while and crawled out of the shower, still not trusting my own legs. I got ahold of my towel and wrapped it around my body. I stood up and felt how my two legs almost gave up on me, but there was no way that I would give up now. I walked back into my bedroom room and threw myself down on the bed. I didn't care at all that my body still was soaking wet or that I was pretty much naked. All I wanted was to fall asleep and wake up again when the horrible pain and misery is gone. I pulled the cover up over my body and closed my eyes. It wasn't until I heard the door to my bedroom open that I realised I had fallen asleep. I opened my tired eyes and saw how Magnus came walking towards me with a worried look on his face. He walked up to where I was laying and carefully sat down next to my body.
- Alexander, are you okay? Maryse told me that you weren't feeling good, Magnus said concerned
- I'm fine, I whispered
- Don't lie to me, baby. I know you well enough to know that you're not fine. Talk to me, Magnus answered
I could see how he wanted to lay down beside me, but I pushed him away and pulled the cover closer to my body that was suddenly freezing.
- Did I do something wrong?
- No, I stuttered
- If you don't want me to touch you, then please tell me, Magnus said and I could hear sadness in his voice
- Magnus, I'm naked, I said and felt how my face turned into a tomato
- What? Magnus asked surprised
- I took a shower before and didn't have enough energy to get dressed
- Do you want me to help you? Magnus asked and looked at me
- Yeah, I stuttered
Magnus walked into my bathroom and grabbed some clothes and when he came back seconds later, I sat up in my bed and smiled shyly at him.
- Tell me if you're feeling uncomfortable, Magnus said
I nodded in response and Magnus helped me put on the shirt that he had grabbed for me. When the shirt covered my naked chest, I started blushing once again as I knew that the next piece of clothing that I needed to out on was my boxers.
- I can look away if you want
- Thank you, I stuttered and felt how I blushed like crazy once again
Magnus passed me my boxers and a pair of sweaters and thereafter, he turned around and I stood up so I easier could put the clothes on. When I was done, I laid down on my bed and let out a trembling breath. Magnus turned around and as our eyes met, he flashed me a smile.
- Can I lay down beside you now? Magnus asked and looked at me
- Of course, I answered
Magnus smiled and laid down beside me on my bed and pulled my body closer to his. He pressed a light kiss to my cheek and for the first time today, I felt pure happiness.
- We'll talk about how you feel after you have gotten some rest, Magnus whispered and kissed my forehead
- Okay, I whispered back

// TBC \\

If someone of you have watched Avengers, Infinity War, please tell me how I am supposed to deal with the pain that I feel right now. That movie broke my heart in so many pieces and I was crying for hours when it was over😭

I love you all and thanks for always supporting me❤️

STAY AWESOME

-Mathilda