High School // Malec

Chapter 21.

Hello there beautiful angels😇 Since the first 20 chapters has been written in Alec's point of view, I decided that a few upcoming chapters are going to be written in Magnus point of view so you guys will get the chance to understand him and his decisions a little bit more😆

- Hi mum
I sat down at the cemetery with a blanket curled around my numb body. The weather outside was freezing and my lips were blue from the coldness, but I refused to leave. There was a long time ago since I visited my mums grave and I needed to talk to someone like there was no freaking tomorrow. All of my feelings were a mess, almost like a heavily trafficked road with different emotions. It's been one week since I saw Alexander and no matter how much I try to stay positive, I can't pretend like everything is alright. Alec is hurting badly and I can't do anything about it. He's not answering my text messages anymore and when I asked Izzy a couple of days ago how he was doing, but she just answered that he was feeling down and needed to gain his strength back. I thought that I would be able to talk to him at the support meeting that we attended together, but when that day finally arrived, Alec never showed up. I guess that was when I realised that Alec didn't want anything to do with me. He left me once again when I needed him the most, only this time, I won't get him back into my life.
- You remember Alec right? My best friend from third grade? We used to do everything together and I finally thought that we would be able to be that close again, but I was wrong
As I was talking, I felt how tears started to make their way down my extremely cold cheeks.
- Why did you have to leave me, mother? I miss you so damn much. You always brought me happiness when I felt like I didn't deserve it
The lump in my throat only grew bigger by every second that passed and I felt how my breathing started to hitch. Every memory that I have tried to push away for all of these years came flashing back and I don't think I ever have felt so worthless. All I wanted was someone that I could trust with my life, someone that could comfort me when I felt like dying, but that's never going to happen. I thought that Camille was the one. That she would take care of me and make sure that I knew I was loved, but she stabbed me in the back that day she cheated on me. I found a new hope in Alexander, but even he saw my flaws and left me.
- I don't want to be here anymore, mother. I can't do this without you. Why didn't you take me with you when you left this disgusting place?
My heart pounding fast in my chest and I knew that if I didn't calm down anytime soon , I would get a panic attack. I used to get them a lot when I was younger. The panic attacks started coming when I left my comfort zone in Indonesia and moved to New York with my mother and her new husband. To my surprise, the panic attacks stopped coming when I met Alec, but when he later left me all alone because of Jace, they sneaked back into my life like a thief  and terrorised my brain once again. I'm not really a person who talks about my feelings and honestly, Camille and Raphael are the only ones who knows that I'm attending a support group. Raphael might seem like a complete moron, but he has always been there for me and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I know that I punched him in the face when I found out that he still was bullying Alec, but I still love and care about him. The two of us has been fighting like brothers for a longer time than I can remember and honestly, I don't want it any other way. I never thought I would find someone that wanted to hang out with me but for the first time in my life, Raphael actually proved me wrong. When I told him everything about my mother and how I felt when she left me, Raphael promised that he never would make the same mistake. Camille wasn't as supportive as Raphael and no matter how much I have tried to lie to myself, she never really cared hair how I actually felt. Unlike Raphael, Camille told me that I was weak and that no one would respect me if I showed emotions like sadness. Camille was the one who told me that if I wanted to be popular, I had to make sure that the other students at school feared me. My goal has never been to be the most popular guy in school. Hell, I don't even care about that stupid title. All I want is to be the captain of the soccer team, like I promised my mother.
- Can you see me mother? Can you see how broken I am? Everyone keeps leaving me and I can't take it anymore. I truly thought Alexander and I could start over, but I guess I was wrong. I'm always wrong
I felt how my body felt tired after the constant crying and the freezing night didn't make it any better. I should already be home, but I didn't dare myself to return back to the house where my stepfather was waiting patiently for me to come home. He's probably already furious that I haven't cooked dinner for him and if I return now, he'll beat me.
- I love you, mum
When those four words left my mouth, I felt how my eyelids started to feel heavier and before I knew it, the coldness and the lack of food made me fall asleep. 

// TBC \\