32. When life throws you lemons

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(Smile — Mikky Ekko ^) This song is heartbreakingly relatable to this chapter

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"She knew she was really sad,
when she stopped loving
the things she loved."

- a t t i c u s

(^ Beautiful character aesthetic of Kiara made by @anothershot )⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

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(^ Beautiful character aesthetic of Kiara made by @anothershot )
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LIFE HAS A cruel way of throwing shit in your face.

Then when you're buried in ten layers of shit, she flashes her middle finger at you and cackles like she's high on heroin. "Haha. Take that, sucker." She tells you. "Bet you weren't expecting that to happen."

I wish there was enough soap to wash this metaphorical shit away.

I wish life were a human being, who had the audacity stand in before me. I'd grab and choke her till she forgets how to breathe.

Instead, it's me who can't breathe.

It's me who's buried in ten layers of shit.

And it's all your fault, Aden.

You're gone.

It's been hours now, but I still can't breathe.

I'm home now, safe and snug, gulping down a scalding cup of coffee, willingly burning my tongue, throat and oesophagus just so I can forget your heart wrenching voice, your lips, your eyes. . . but I still can't breathe.

So, I get up and take a shower. I scrub my body until my skin is red and raw.

But you've seared  yourself into my memory so forcefully, I might have to kill myself to forget.

Screw you, Aden, for making me believe in love and happily-ever-afters.

Screw you, Aden, for making me fall in love with you. Again.

Screw you, Aden, you adorable asshole.

I love you so much, it physically hurts to stay alive without you.

You barged into my life, regardless whether I wanted you or not, and wrecked havoc on every semblance of normalcy I had. You're the chaos and confusion my life didn't need. I could do so much better without you.

You're gone now. This time. . . for real.

Tell me, I'm lying. Tell me, you're just a few miles away from me. Tell me you're coming back to me.

"He's gone and you know it."

As the first rays of the sun stream in through the window, my eyelids begin to droop. Exhaustion overcomes the grief and I feel myself slipping into unconsciousness at last. Pressing my head into my pillow, I cry myself to sleep.

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