(Rey' s Point of View)
Every touch of his hand frightens me, although we’ve exchanged a touch before. I know he’s a monster. He’s stricken innocent people down, brutally interrogated my own friends, and thrown me against a tree with that hand. So when he grabs me I instinctively pull away. I find myself glad he did it though, I could have done something I might regret. No one should know about our connections, not yet anyway.
After I pull away from him he says sorry and the bond fades. I decide not to start out the door again and instead return to my bed. I lay down and stare at the dark ceiling.
I gather my thoughts a little more and try to calm myself since I’m alone now. I start to realize what he was looking at when he was inside my head. He saw my dreams, he saw what happened in the room with Snoke. He saw my struggle to move him, I saved his life. I hate that he saw those things. I must look so weak in his eyes.
I wish he’d never have gone through my head. The thought of it makes me feel so vulnerable, defenseless; especially when I’m sleeping. At least when he does it when I am awake I can counter it and enter his thoughts. It still isn’t enough. I wish I could lock my mind while I’m asleep. He has been in my head way too much, I wonder if there’s anything he hasn’t taken from it.
I have been in his head though. Does he feel as exposed as I do when he’s inside mine? I’m sure no one wants anyone tampering with their private thoughts and emotions but if he doesn’t like it, he hides it well.
“You, you’re afraid… that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader.”
I remember when I said that to him in my cell. He let go of my mind after I said that. That makes me think, he must not be able to block my reading of his mind while he’s reading mine. Could I actually be as strong as him? Maybe not now, but perhaps I could be some day. The only way I can learn the ways of the force now without Ben is through the Jedi texts. I’ll have to start there.
There is no way I’m falling back asleep tonight so I climb over my bed and jump off. My bare feet touch the cold solid ground and I walk slowly over to my door. How did I get in here in the first place? I twist the door knob and it gives out a small squeak. I make my way through the dark corridors and head for the medical bay. The drawers beneath one of the beds held the Ancient Jedi Texts that I stole from Luke. I feel a little bad but he didn’t look like he was reading them anyway.
I get to the bay and walk over to the drawers. I don’t really remember which one I put it in because I was in such a hurry to get off Ahch-To. I open a random one and nothing. I leave it open so I don’t accidentally open it again while looking. There are a lot more drawers in here then I remember. I open a couple more and still nothing. Eventually I open one in the far top right corner and bingo.
“What are you looking for?” Finn asks out of nowhere and scares the living daylights out of me. All in one motion I gasp, turn around, and push the drawer back in with my back.
“Sorry Rey, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He replies sincerely to my shock.
“It’s ok” I answer, the fear in my heart subsiding for the second time tonight.
“So, what are you looking for, maybe I can help you find it.”
“Oh no it’s ok, I don’t think they’re here anyway, I don’t know why I’m even looking in here.” I reply.
“What was it?” He asks growing more curious by the minute.
“Uuhhh, hair ties, for my hair. One of mine broke.” I answer with a relieved smile that I could come up with something. Why did I decide to lie to him anyway?
“Oh, yeah I don’t know if there would be any of those in here sorry.” He laughs.
“That’s alright.” I say and turn around to start closing the mess of drawers I left open.
“So what are you doing up so early?” I ask him.
“I think a noise woke me but I don’t know what it was. Did you hear anything odd?”
I realize he is talking about my scream. “No, I didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary.”
“Oh, well then I must have dreamt it. So why are you up early?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” I answer honestly for once.
“That stinks, I think there are some sleeping pills in the food cabinet. I can go look for them if you want.”
“No thanks, I think I’ll just go get changed and head to the cockpit. I’m sure Chewbacca could use some sleep anyway.” I don’t want to go back to sleep ever again.
“Ok well I think I’ll get back to my bed now.”
“Alright, see you later.” He walks off with a smile.
I go back to my room and look for some clean clothes for the new day before I go relieve Chewie. I rationalize that whatever planet we end up on in the Outer Rim won’t be too warm seeing as it’s so far from the sun, so I dress warm.
As I get out my clothes for this new planet I realize how many new things I have experienced in the last month and how many more things I'll experience. I’ve been isolated on Jakku for as long as I can remember. I’ve been so lonely for so long and when Ben extends a hand to me I reject it. He expects me to leave all of the resistance and the Jedi way behind. How can I? I’ve made so many friends I can’t just give up on them.
The only question that remains is, if I have so many friends now, then why do I still feel so lonely?
YOU ARE READING
A Post TLJ Reylo Fanfiction
Fanfiction"What frightens me is the fact that the force is still connecting us, and Snoke is dead. " This fanfiction is written from multiple points of view. Rey, Kylo Ren, and even General Hux for example. It'll say who's Point of View (POV) it is at the be...
