You're My Person (Book 1)

19-I don't know what love is

Richelle's POV:

Pushing Noah away was honestly one of the dumbest things I've ever done, but I needed to do it. I'm too frightened of love to let myself fall. My parents did that to me. Elliot did that to me. Noah certainly didn't do that to me. He gave me the perfect first date, the perfect opportunities, the perfect duets, the perfect everything. All that's gone now.

Lola has come over to my house for some dinner because she knows if she doesn't,I won't eat.
"How are you holding up?" She asks. She's the only other person than Noah I've trusted to see me cry. Which is exactly what I do. She comforts me, but everything reminds me of what I've done.
"Well, talk through it." She says, jokingly, but I try.
"Elliot came back. Noah left. I told Noah he's pathetic and kicked him out. And now we're broken up." It comes out through sniffles but I eventually manage it.
"Richelle? Do you love him?" She questions. I wish I knew.
"Why does everyone keep using that dumb concept? It isn't truth. It's a myth. I don't know what I love and I don't think I ever will."
"Richelle, you love him." Since when does she make my decisions for me?
"I don't know what love is." I say and then I break down again.
"It's all going to be okay, just you wait." Lola says. I wish I could believe that's true.

I go to the studio, refreshed and awake. In Noah's...absence, I'll be taking co-captains with Piper. Recently, Piper and I have found our distance, but hopefully working together will help us regain what we started.
"So how's everything going with you and Noah?" Piper asks. I sigh. I tell myself to be honest, but I just shrug. I can't lie about this.
"We're...well we're not really going." I laugh a little, but her face changes.
"Are you okay? What happened?" Catching up with Piper is nice, but I really don't want to talk about it. Even so, I hear myself filling her in on everything that's happened.

Lola comes over to us a while later with Amy.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we were wondering if the captains could go through the middle section with us." Thank goodness for a distraction. I run the steps with them and then ask Amy if she wants help with some tumbling passes.
"Lola, you go with Piper and I'll take Amy through some more tumbling passes." I say, as a leader like always.
"Okay, but if you get time later can I try some new tricks?" She smiles. Of course she can.

"And so instead of a single handspring layout, you're going to do a double and then a layout. Is that okay?" She nods as she marks it through her mind.
"Let's try that then." She full force goes for it and I'm so proud of her. I give her a small applause and hug as I hear my true enemies voice.
"It was good, but it lacked technique and if you want to win, you're going to need a new coach."
"Well I don't see you offering any good advice. Amy, here, asked for me to help. Run along now Elliot." He snarls at me.
"Remember Richelle, I'm being paid to be here and that Emily wants me here. You're playing with fire and trust me, you will get burned. I will make that happen." He inches closer through every threat and I feel so small. When I turn away, Amy's gone.
"Now look what you've done!" He says before leaving. Emily walks in, frustrated with everything.
"Richelle, I'm happy to see you talking with Elliot and whilst I respect that you're now friends and everything, you're supposed to be helping the others."
"Sorry Emily, I'll go do that." Is all that manages to come out my mouth.

I go home and cry. I don't know what else to do. I pushed Elliot away. I pushed Noah away. I'm slowly pushing my team away. And I feel like I've already lost Emily. It's a web of spirals and lies that I don't know how to handle. I wish I would've gone with Noah when he'd asked. I can't do this anymore. TNS feels as if it's beneath me.

A/N: Sorry I've been away for ages. I'm sure one day I'll actually update on time!