Forever In My LIFE (Book 4) 2nd Alternate

Part 36

I have to admit, the first 24 hours home with Ramiel made me a little nervous, if Prince had any worries, he hid them well.  For the next few days we continue to do everything as we were shown in the hospital and by Gretchen on her initial visit here.  Our life now revolves around Ramiel:  his feedings, keeping him changed, sponge baths, cleaning his stump and making sure the stump is getting plenty of air.

I return to my normal routine of showering every morning, but instead of getting 'dressed,' I change into a clean nightie or something else comfortable enough that I can go back to sleep in.  Since nursing and sleeping seems to be all that I'm doing, the lack of any activity other than the showers and changing out of milk stained clothing, has sent me on a downward spiral emotionally.  Neither Prince nor I us realize this, even with him being super attentive with both me and Ramiel. Prince has been doing more than his fair share by making sure that I get plenty of rest, eating healthily, and keeping an eye on Ramiel in between feedings. 

Gretchen, who had been keeping tabs via phone, returns at the end of the first week to check in.  She had given us a recommendation for a Naturopath pediatrician while we were still in the hospital and today we discuss Ramiel's upcoming wellness appointment.  When she's done explaining what to expect, my lack of input makes her eye me warily as I'm nursing Ramiel.  "Mr. Nelson, could I speak to you for a minute in private?"

I look up at her from the bed, but quickly return my attention back to Ramiel.  As if on cue, I tilt my jaw, offering my cheek to Prince's customary kiss before he follows her out into the hallway.  My eyes stay on the baby, but I'm not really seeing, it's more of a tranced stare.   While they're still in the hallway, the timer on the bassinet sounds, telling me it's time to switch breasts.  On autopilot, I break Ramiel's latch and reposition him onto the other breast, thinking only about getting back to sleep as soon as he's finished.  

More minutes pass and Prince enters the bedroom first, I look up at him to see him watching me with a more critical eye, I simply return my attention back to Ramiel.  I barely notice the exchange of glances between the two when Gretchen enters the room shortly behind him.  Prince returns to my side, sitting on the edge of the bed, he strokes my hair.  I tilt my head toward him in response, but nothing more, I don't see the concerned looks that get exchanged a second time.

When Ramiel is finished, Gretchen takes him from me, "I'll check his diaper, Dear," she smiles at me, I nod.  When I cover my breasts back up and try to lay back down, Prince stops me by cuddling up next to me, keeping me in my sitting position, "Come here, Baby," he pulls me into an embrace.  I return the hug half heartedly, and softly kiss his cheek. Prince leans back to study my face, when his eyes meet mine the concern in his is evident, I look away from his stare.  "Sugar, look at me," he urges, gently lifting my chin with his index finger.   When I meet his eyes again, I now see the worry has extended from his eyes to his beautiful face. This time when he pulls me in tight, he whispers into my ear, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I hold onto him, but not as tightly as he's holding me.

Gretchen returns with Ramiel, and Prince releases me, kissing my forehead before he stands.  Ramiel is handed off to Prince, who looks over his shoulder at me one more time before taking the baby, leaving me alone in our bedroom with Gretchen.  After several seconds, Gretchen sits on the edge of the bed, "Dana, I'm worried about you." I look at her and frown, her brows are knitted with worry.  "How are you feeling?" she asks. 

"Tired," I reply in a breathy way, almost as if just saying the word is an effort.

"Come on, get up, get dressed," she starts pulling my hand, urging me out of the bed.