Forever In My LIFE (Book 4) 2nd Alternate

Part 43

A couple more weeks pass and it's finally the day of my obstetrician appointment where we find out if we are able to resume our sexual activities.  Things have been getting more frustrating, due to our limited means at the moment and Prince's increasing hands-on affections.  I know we both want to pleasure each other, which we have managed to accomplish so far, but we long for the emotional and spiritual connection that making love provides.   As we dress and prepare for the appointment, I can feel the anticipation radiating from him, whereas all I feel is nervous.  

At the obstetricians, Prince's anticipation quickly turns to discomfort as he watches the doctor weigh me, take measurements, examine my breasts, then performs a brief pelvic exam.  While I'm being examined I notice this is where Prince fidgets the most as he tries to distract himself from what the doctor is doing to me by talking to Ramiel.  Afterward, I answer all the doctors questions as frankly as I can while Prince sits quietly and listens, we go over everything, even my brief bout of PPD.  He does, however, register a bit of surprise when he finds out that I haven't been bleeding for almost two weeks.  As the topic of sexual activity comes around, the doctor wants to know what, if any, activity we've been practicing, Prince's demeanor turns to stone.   I see his jaw clench and he uncrosses, shifts, and crosses his legs, visibly upset when I share a little too openly for his taste, "mutual masturbation." 

The doctor is pleased by this answer as well as the fact I've been doing my Kegel exercises, and when she suggests that we ease back into intercourse slowly, taking my comfort into account, Prince cannot contain himself any longer.   "I know how to make love to my wife," he says curtly. 

"I don't doubt that," the doctor says gently, "but a few things have changed.  If Dana's comfort isn't taken into consideration, it could greatly affect the quality of your love life."  When she begins to explain about vaginal dryness, especially while nursing, Prince exaggeratedly shifts in his chair again, complete with a heavy sigh.  The doctor stands, and says calmly to me, "I'll give you two a few minutes," then leaves the examination room.  

I say nothing for all of two seconds after the door closes, then I look over at Prince from my seated position on the examination table.  With slitted eyes, and a harsh, hushed voice, I ask, "What is your problem?"  I instantly regret my actions when I see him slip into his defensive posture. I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands while I scold myself for my poor judgment, then pull my hands away.   Slipping from the table, I attempt to sit in the empty chair beside him, only to feel the cold plastic touch my skin.  Realizing that I'm still only wearing an exam gown, I pause for a second to pull the thin fabric under my butt, then sit down.  "Prince," I say softly, taking his hands in mine, "I know discussing something this private is not your thing, I get it, I don't want to either."  His hardened eyes begin to soften as he takes in my worried expression, so I continue with my subdued tone, "This is what she does, she's here to help us, and..." I hesitate because I'm a little embarrassed to admit this to him.  "Prince, I'm afraid."

He blinks rapidly, "You're afraid?"  I look him in the eye and nod.  "Oh, Sugar.  Why?" he pulls me into an embrace. 

While he holds me, I whisper, "I'm afraid it will hurt and I won't be able to make love to you. I never shared with you just how much pain I've been in."  Prince strokes my hair and listens silently as I finally share all my fears with him. 

"You know I will do everything in my power not to cause you pain," he tells me, still stroking my hair. 

"Can we hear her out, please?  I have a lot of questions."  I feel his head nod against mine.  Just as we're pulling apart and pressing a kiss to each other's lips, there's a soft knock on the door before it opens, the doctor peeks in. 

Seeing the kiss, she enters with a smile and takes a seat on her rolling stool, "So, are we ready to talk?"  Prince and I both nod. 

We discuss intercourse, and what differences or discomfort I might expect to experience.  I ask a lot of questions, and Prince manages to remain neutral throughout.  The doctor assures me that my fears are not uncommon, and even though I appear ready for sex, some women may take up to six months before they no longer feel any pain or discomfort.  As we're given some recommendations on types of lubricants to use, Ramiel starts to fuss.  The examination table gets adjusted for me to nurse, and as soon as he latches and starts to feed, the doctor springs an unexpected question on us, "Have you made any decisions on birth control?"

Prince and I look at each other in a stupor.  "Birth control?" I question, pointing down at the obvious, "I'm breastfeeding. I thought you couldn't get pregnant while nursing?"

The doctor breaks down the breastfeeding myth, letting us know that, although the chances are slim, it's not foolproof.  Condoms are brought up, and when I glance at Prince, he's wearing the same unpleasant expression I am, we shake our heads.  I'm discouraged when I find out I can't take the same pill that I was taking before while I'm breastfeeding, but there is another option called the mini pill. Prince doesn't look convinced when she says it won't affect the breast milk, so a contraceptive implant is mentioned, it sounds promising, until the doctor rattles of the risks.  Frustrated, I ask, "Can't I just start birth control pills after I'm done breastfeeding?"

"You can, but I want you to know, getting pregnant again is a possibility," she warns.  Prince and shrug at each other, unconcerned because of the length of time it took us to conceive Ramiel. 

I'm given a prescription for the same pill I was on before, plus one for the mini pill, in case I change my mind and chose to go that route instead.  The doctor says her goodbyes, and Prince returns Ramiel to his carrier while I get dressed, we are free to go.  

The ride home is a quiet one, even though we've just been given the green light to resume sex, we've also been bombarded with a ton of information we're still trying to absorb. I'm glad it's finally obvious to Prince that we're not just going to be able to just jump back into our sex life like he thought we could.  I don't doubt that he wouldn't be gentle and considerate as always, but I think listening to the doctor may have pulled in his reigns a little bit.   As I watch the passing scenery out the passenger window, I try to tell myself that everything will be just fine.  I haven't felt very much discomfort in the past couple weeks, but nothing has been inserted until the speculum today, although that was uncomfortable, it usually always is.   Replaying that in my mind causes me to shudder, and I feel Prince's hand rest on my knee, "You okay?"

I smile at him unconvincingly and say, "Yes," as cheerfully as I can.  He doesn't press the issue as his eyes move back to concentrate on the road, but his hand squeezes my knee reassuringly.  

Once we get back to the house, Prince disappears into his office briefly, before telling me he has to go to Paisley "for a few hours."

"Okay, I'll see you later," I say before he kisses me and the baby goodbye.  These short 'work' visits have become more frequent in the fast few weeks, but I'm happy to see that he's still making the effort to spend so much time at home with us that I don't mind, I just hope it stays this way.