OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Forty

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Anna

"What are you talking about?"

Namjoon looked down at me, confusion and bewilderment glazing his widened eyes. I shared his wide-eyed shock, completely at a loss of words. How am I supposed to explain what I've just admitted?

"I, uh..." I tried to formulate any sort of excuse. "I mean..."

"Anna, is there something else you're not telling me? If it's personal...I mean, that's fine. You're just...not acting like yourself..." he said in a soft voice, lowering his eyes.

I know he wanted to believe that I wasn't simply using him, that all I'd just admitted was just an attempt to push him away as he did to me. I know he wanted to believe that we had more than just a give and take relationship. But my selfish reasons were true, or at least, they had been. Now I wasn't so sure. Now I felt a wave of relief wash over me when he talked passionately about writing and rapping. Now I felt my heart flutter when he let a smile slip. Now I wanted to see him perform on the stage with Gloss. And I wanted all of this simply because these little things slowly brought back the light in his eyes that I was trying so hard to keep burning. For once in my life I desired happiness for someone other than myself.

My grip on the handrail tightened as I realized all of this.

I want Namjoon to be happy simply because he deserves happiness.

It wasn't a selfish source of self-contentment anymore. And I was beginning to wonder if it ever really had been that.

So I looked up at Kim Namjoon, taking in a deep breath. Because I suddenly wanted him to know everything.

"I can hear people's thoughts, Namjoon...er— yeah."

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"So you can read minds, but only if you touch people?"

"And make eye contact," I added with an increasingly exasperated sigh.

"But...wait, you make eye contact with me all the time. And it's very intense might I add," Namjoon remarked, turning to look at me.

Our gazes connected for a moment, before his cheeks lightly colored, and he turned away again.

"Sorry. That's the thing about you..." I trailed off, knowing this wouldn't really help him understand.

Namjoon had already been questioning me for the past ten minutes or so. He'd dragged me outside the metal door, onto the building rooftop. And then he began to say more than I ever thought possible from the timid class president. And I knew he wasn't exactly convinced I was telling the truth.

"Hm? What about me?"

I let out a musing sigh and reached a hand to twist my ring around my finger. From where we sat, I could see out over the rooftops of shorter buildings surrounding his dad's.

"You're different. I guess...you're sort of..." an oasis of silence.

I licked my lips and looked down at my fiddling hands.

"I can't hear your mind. With physical or eye contact. You're the only person I've ever met who's, somehow, unaffected by my weird...abilities," I admitted to him.

Namjoon took a few moments to consider my words, probably relaying all the time I've spent with him. When I finally realized he was impervious to me, so I could finally make peaceful eye contact with someone. When I finally did find out, I did so often. Intense...that's how he'd described my gaze. I guess that's how it is when you haven't made real, long, eye contact with someone for a lifetime.

"So you're really not afraid of physical contact. You just don't want to read everyone's mind," Namjoon realized out loud.

"Yes. And thank you for giving me such a valid excuse when we first met," I said, rather lightheartedly.

He let out a short breath in slight amusement.

"You're welcome...but, Anna, I'm not sure I really believe all of this," Namjoon admitted.

I nodded.

"That's to be expected. I've never told anyone before. And it sounds crazier saying it aloud."

And then the two of us sat in a deep but needed silence for a while. Just staring out upon the city.

"I'll wait for you, Namjoon," I decide aloud suddenly.

Namjoon turned to me once more, but he didn't look away immediately this time.

"I know it might take a little time to accept it...but I'll wait for you, okay?" I told him, facing him as well.

For just a few, breathtaking moments, we looked into each other's eyes. A noiseless yet incredibly loud aura hung in the air around us. I watched as the look in Namjoon's eyes changed from conflicted to understanding. Then that blush crept into his cheeks as he realized how long we'd been silently sharing a gaze.

Clearing his throat, he broke our eye contact and stood.

"Come here," he said.

I stood with him, following him towards the edge of the roof. There was a cement wall that stopped at our waists, so we had a full view of the noisy city below. I glanced at Namjoon when we'd been standing still for more than a minute. He hands were gripping the edge so hard his knuckles were turning white.

"Namjoon?" I ventured.

"This is the first time I've brought someone up here."

Suddenly I remembered the words that had started our whole journey up here. "I need some air."

"You come up here often, don't you?" I asked.

"Yes."

And I didn't ask anymore questions. Neither did Namjoon. We just stood and watched the loud city from the quiet perch we had on this roof. I think a new understanding had developed within each of us about the other. As we finally left his dad's building that evening, I knew there was something the both of us had given to each other that could never be taken back.

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A/N:
~ Happy summer!