Shawn Mendes is a 19 year old superstar from Canada. He has it all - talent, good looks, money. Until one day, a medical diagnosis changes his entire life. Will Shawn cope, or will he crack?
The next morning, I wake up before Shawn as I was cold. He was sleeping in the fetal position and had taken all the duvet away from me. That's why I was cold.
I check the time and its 11am. Yesterday, I made Shawn an appointment with a therapist. She was called Liz and would be visiting us at 1pm. I let Shawn sleep for a while.
I decide to make Shawn some blueberry pancakes for breakfast. As I'm about to put the pancakes into a plate, I feel a set of arms around me. I smile until I feel a tear drop on my shoulder.
"Shawn" I turn to face him and he was crying. I pull him into my arms as he sobs into my shoulder. "Hey hey, deep breaths." I say into his ear. "Go to our bedroom I'll bring you breakfast." Before he gets there, Shawn's legs give in and he collapses to the ground. I run over to him to check if he was hurt.
"My ankle..." he cries and I help him stand.
"Lean on me darling." I manage to get him back into bed just as Selena comes in. She had just gotten out of the shower.
"What's the matter sweetie pie?" She sits next to Shawn, letting him rest his head on her shoulder.
"I'll get you your breakfast and then we will talk." I get the plate from the kitchen and bring it to Shawn. "I'll feed my baby." I cut the pancake up and feed it him. I put the finished plate on the side. "Budge up." Shawn is sitting between Selena and I.
"I... I" his breathing began to speed up. Shawn placed his hand on his chest in panic, and I could see beads of sweat on his forehead.
"Deep breaths" I coo, cupping his cheeks.
"Can't breathe..." There was no hope - I couldn't slow his breathing.
"Shawn sweetie you're okay. Breathe with me." I tried to slow his breathing and calm him, but he wasn't getting any calmer. It was only getting worse.
"It hurts..." he cries, tears falling from his eyes.
"Honey look at me." Shawn's head fell onto Selena's shoulder, his eyes closed. He had fainted!
"Get a cold wash cloth Y/N. Its okay, he fainted due to panic. It's happened to me before." I quickly get a cold wash cloth and some cold water. I dab it on his forehead, and his eyes open after a few minutes.
"What happened? Ow! My head..." Shawn takes his fingers up to his head in pain.
"You had a panic attack and you fainted for a few minutes. How are you feeling?" I explain, covering him up with a blanket.
"Like shit." He responds with a hurtful look in his eyes.
"Its 12 now and the therapist will be here in an hour, so you can rest until then." Selena says before leaving the room. I had asked her to stay in the next door apartment so we could care for Shawn.
"Don't leave me please." Shawn pleads.
"I wasn't going to." I smile at Shawn, and he instantly snuggles his head into my thigh, seeking comfort. He fell asleep there as he was so emotionally drained, head on my leg. I keep him calm whilst he sleeps by caressing his cheek and hair.
"Shawn honey." I shake his shoulder and he wakes up, looking cute.
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"Mmm my body aches." He rubs his eyes and sits up. Just then, Liz, the therapist comes in.
"Hello Shawn, Y/N. I'm Liz." She sits down on the bed opposite us. I'm about to leave but Shawn makes me stay.
"Hi" Shawn smiles, leaning on me. I put my arm around his shoulder, comforting him.
"I'm trained in a therapy called CBT. But before I start I need to see if you are feeling low due to recent events or if its a regular thing. I need you to fill out this form and please be 100% honest." Liz passes Shawn a questionnaire, and a pen. Shawn fills it in. "Shawn how is your sleeping?"
"Erm... I either sleep for too long or too little. I'm always tired." He replies, looking worried.
"Its okay." I whisper in his ear.
"Right... when you feel stressed or down, how do you feel physically?" Liz asks, taking notes.
"My chest aches and I feel dizzy... erm I feel like my heart is going to explode. I also feel like the worst thing possible will happen and I just feel down when there's no reason to be." He explains.
"How long have you had it for?" Liz asks. Shawn turns to face me and I give him a reassuring look.
"I... I've had it for a year now." That explains a lot. Shawn would always cry when he came back from the studio or something and say it was the stress. But now it made more sense. "Y/N I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I didn't want you to worry about me as there's no need to worry about something like me." This literally shattered my heart.
"Hey don't say that. You mean the absolute world to me and I want you to know that I wouldn't be able to live without you. Please don't think that honey." I rub his shoulder and kiss his forehead.
"Right Shawn. I think you have depression. Its definitely worsened after your lupus diagnosis but I reckon your anxiety caused the depression. Your records show you were diagnosed with anxiety in 2015 and they go hand in hand. I'm going to teach you to cope with this and hopefully get out of this by making small changes to your behaviour and way of thinking. But before we start I need you to fill this in. Its a timetable of the week and you need to write down what you did and the emotion you felt, and how strong it was on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst." She explains, passing me the sheet. "That's all for today... I'll be here same time next week. Take care." Liz leaves and I turn my attention to Shawn, who looked like he was going to cry.
"Hey darling look at me." I cup his cheeks. "I love you, please know that. I know its hard but you need to fight through it. I know you can get through this Shawn I know it."
"Y/N I..." tears begin falling from his eyes and I pull him into my lap, holding my world in my arms.
