Lupus - A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction

▪ ■ thirty one ■ ▪

Hellooooo

Your POV

That night, Shawn and I fell asleep quickly. I woke up halfway through the night and realised Shawn wasn't beside me. Rubbing my eyes, I check the time.

4 27am.

I wasn't too tired as I fell asleep early the night before. I quickly put on a hoodie as it was cold. The light of the living room was switched on so I slowly walk towards it, revealing Shawn.

He was sitting on the floor leaning on the sofa, his song book in his lap, scrunched up pieces of paper surrounding him. I look him in the eyes and see the tiredness and pain.

"Y/N"

"Shawn what are you doing sweetie?" I ask, sitting beside him.

"I couldn't sleep." He replies, holding my hand.

"What's the matter? You look like you're about to cry." I ask, stroking his cheek.

"Okay... my anxiety is really bad tonight and I can't seem to ease my mind... you know how I keep saying that I'm tired... well normally I am hut today I just... I just wanted to escape this stress by sleeping and I just couldn't sleep so I said I was sleeping so you could hold me. I felt safe and at ease that w... way." He explains, looking at the floor.

I press a kiss to his forehead, smiling at him.

"How long has this been going on?" I question.

"A few days... I sleep well most days but over the last few days I've felt so incredibly anxious. I've never experienced anxiety like this... actually I've not experienced anything like this before." He leans his head back in defeat. "I'm exhausted but I can't sleep! Its so frustrating."

Lupus can cause tiredness, so that meant he would be exhausted anyway, so not being able to sleep on top of being sick was hard for him.

"Come here... lay down." I usher for him to lay his head in my lap and he obeys, shuffling around to get comfy. I begin taking my fingers through his hair. "Deep breaths darling."

"Its just too much. I can't breath or calm down. Its this tightness in my chest and... I want it to stop!" He says quickly, a sign that he was going to have a panic attack if I didn't calm him down soon. I begin rubbing his earlobes and rosy cheeks - I knew that caressing his face, head and hair calmed him down quickest.

"I've got you Shawn, I got you." I coo, holding him in my lap.

"Don't leave me... please. Stay with me."

It then clicked - Shawn was afraid to be alone. Every time he was left alone, he would get upset or anxious. I then realised that it wasn't that I didn't want to leave him, I just couldn't. If I left him alone then I'm scared he might hurt himself or even worse.

"I'll never leave you alone Shawn, I'll never leave you. Not now, not ever." I comfort, running my hand up and down his bare, tense arm. "Relax darling, ease your muscles."

"H... how?" He stutters.

"I know... if you could go to any country right now where would you go?" I ask.

"How is this relevant?" He jokes, his eyes were drooping shut but he kept them open by force. Gently, I brush my thumb over his eyelids so his eyes close.

"Just answer it." I begin rocking him gently in my lap, trying to take his mind off things so he sleeps.

"Er... this is weird but New Zealand."

"Why's that?"

"The scenery is amazing. Like the fjords and mountains around them is just..." he yawns and his voice trails off. Finally he was asleep.

I didn't have the heart to move, so I stayed there. Shawn slept in my lap for a good few hours, my hands in his hair, keeping him in a deep sleep. For the first time in days, he looked peaceful.

At around 9am, the front door opened, revealing Selena. I give her a 'sshh' face. She takes a picture of us and smiles, just as Shawn wakes up.

"Morning honey." I lean down and kiss Shawn's forehead, who was still laying in my lap.

"Did I sleep here all night?"

"Yeah you did." I smile, stroking his curls.

"I'm sorry Y/N, you should have been sleeping and..."

"It's okay, I'm more worried about you than anything Shawn. Plus I'd slept for long enough when I woke. Go have a shower, I'll make breakfast." I suggest, helping Shawn to his feet.

"What happened?" Selena asks, helping me sit.

"I woke up at like 4am and realised Shawn wasn't with me. He was sitting here, trying to write something but I don't know what. He was really anxious, more anxious than I've ever seen him and he wasn't sleeping. I got him to sleep but he's afraid to be alone. I'm afraid to leave him alone as he could do something to himself. I don't know what to do with him, he's really hurting." I sigh, sitting in the corner of the sofa.

"I think he's in recovery. It gets worse before it gets better, but there's one positive... he might have days where he feels completely invincible. He'll feel normal, but then a few weeks later it'll come crashing down so it's more important now that you stay with him." She explains, just as Shawn comes out of the shower, wearing nothing but a pair of black sweatpants.

"Let me dry your hair. Sit here." I order him to sit on the floor infront of where I'm sitting on the sofa so I could dry his hair for him. "Wow your hair is long." I joke, kissing his cheek.

"Can I have some water? I'm so thirsty." He asks so politely.

"I'll get you some." Selena offers, getting him a tall glass of water.

"Take small sips." I say, as I wanted his body to absorb the water as he wasn't keeping food down very well.

"Can I sleep again?" He asks, sitting on the sofa beside me.

"Breakfast first." Shawn pretty much gobbles his bowl of cereal down, before snuggling his head into my chest and falling asleep, looking healthy for once.

I was very, very wrong...

So basically I said I was gonna finish this within a few chapters in a chapter a few before this, but I had a brainwave during this and know EXACTLY where this is heading so this story will have more chapters than I thought hehe xx ❤