The Fire In Me (Ryder) (COMPLETED) 1 ✔️

Chapter Fifty-Two Don't Keep Running

Safe Inside- James Arthur

    We zip-line two more times before stopping and waiting. I don't really know what we are waiting for even though it is my idea to stop and wait. I'm confusing even to myself. Wesley is silent but I know he wants to keep asking me questions about the girl he wants—the girl he likes. I don't know whether I liked helping him out or not. I don't know, it kind of feels good helping him out. Knowing I can probably help him. I sigh, annoyed by all the silence. Silence can be so annoying. "Go ahead and keep asking your questions." I say, leaning my head against the tree.

     "You never answered my last one." He mumbles. I didn't? When did he ask me the question? I think, trying to figure it out before I remember it was two zip lines ago. The boys were catching up from that point, but very slowly. I'm still confused as to why Dallas wasn't coming and slightly mad because I paid for five people. Dallas not going, was just wasting my money. Does he know I paid for five people? Is he doing this to get back at me? If so, well done. I sigh again. Calm down Ryder, and focus. Help him out.

     "Right," I say shaking my head and thinking back to what he said. He asked me why she would argue with him just to find a reason to hate him. I remember now. "She wants to make you do something so she can hate you. She wants that because she doesn't want to like you. She doesn't want to like you because she's scared to. So she argues, or maybe she does something stupid to make you mad at her." He processes this and thinks.

     "So how do I make this whole situation better?" He asks. Give up and quit trying. I roll my eyes. Shut up, Ryder. No. "I don't know how much longer I can keep trying. I'm slowly starting to not see a point anymore if she's just gonna keep pushing me away. Even if I know I probably deserve it. So, tell me what I should do." I nod.

     "You can keep trying," I say. "Don't give up on her." My talking speeds up. "If she pushes you away successfully, she'll regret it and she'll do something stupid that will probably make you chase after her and you'll probably be mad and then she'll be mad about how you're mad and then you'll both be mad at each other but you're not really mad. You just wish she would be more careful and not reckless, and she would wish that she wasn't scared to be with you. Because being with you is probably all she really wants, but she's just-"

     "Too scared." He says as I pant catching my breath. I nod as he studies me wearily and nods also. "You sound like you're speaking from experience." I hesitate and stop breathing and speaking from experience. Is that really what I'm doing? I think back to everything I've said, realizing it was true. All of it was true. The arguing between Dallas and me. How I always do something stupid to either get his attention or make him mad. How I'm always making him mad, and it's true, I'm scared to be with him.

     Besides, I'm gonna have to leave soon anyway, so I'm right. I have to keep pushing Dallas away if I'm going back to Minnesota to live with my mom. I have to push him away if my dad is really going to make me leave. "Maybe I am." I say in a soft voice as I look down.

     "One of the guys that's coming?" He asks and I nod.

     "Well, one of the guys that's here." I say, shrugging a little uncomfortably. I've never really talked about this before, but if I can help Wesley out if he has any advice, maybe I should take it.

     "The man named Dallas?" He asks and I slowly nod bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms tightly around them. It is kind of cold, but that isn't why I bring my knees up. They are there so I could hide my face if I needed to. If I say something I'll be embarrassed about, I'll hide my face. Easy.

     "That's the one." I mumble, kind of scared to talk about it.

     "You're giving me advice, is it okay if I give you some?" He asks and hesitantly, I nod. "Don't do all that stuff. It's really confusing to us guys and we don't know what to think because you're being hard to read. Maybe if you give it a shot, you'll see there's nothing to be scared of."