Not all people of faith believe that sex (even before marriage) is bad. Sex is a form of commitment, pleasure, intimacy, and strength. Most marriages end because of sex, whether from lack of it, or seeking it elsewhere.
Church Sex Camp is a place f...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I couldn't go over to Eli's for dinner that night, not because I didn't want to, but because we had a couple fighting. Loudly.
One of my full-time counselors is a trained therapist, unfortunately she wasn't able to make it this time as she is very pregnant and about to pop. So, I sat in for her and worked with the couple to resolve their argument.
It's funny, for so many years I'd acted as a mentor and stand-in therapist for hundreds of couples, but I'd never felt like more of a fraud than I did that night. Not only was I a hypocrite, but all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with Eli. I kept having to ask them to repeat themselves, which I played off as them talking too fast, or making sure their partner heard/understood what the other said. It made me feel physically ill. What was I doing? I started questioning everything I'd worked for. Or was it that I finally had my blinders off and I was suddenly seeing clearly? I honestly didn't know which was worse.
I had texted Eli (thankful we had exchanged numbers that day) to tell him the reason I wouldn't be there for dinner, and he understood. One thing about working at a camp, it was a non-stop job. I usually loved it, always keeping busy. But maybe not so much this time.
I needed to step back and assess my situation. I had to take stock and see just where this is going. Because if I was questioning every choice I'd made for the past ten years, maybe I needed to end it with him, before it was too late.
I didn't want to though. I hadn't realized just how desperate I was for someone to hold me. To kiss me...... To want me.
I really hoped I could trust him. So far he hadn't given me any reason not to, but my issues with trust ran deep. The story I told the world was only half of it. The only person I've ever confided in with the whole story is Megan.
She had been there for me through all of it, so she recognized why I didn't want to add any more than needed. Her support had been the only thing moving me forward. Most days I could forget, or fool myself into believing what I told everyone else. That night on the beach, I had actually considered telling him everything. But thankfully he stopped me, he had seen the half-truth I've told for years. So I let it be, and kicked myself for even thinking about telling him. We barely knew each other. How could I trust him yet?
***
It was Thursday, and even though it'd been just a week since our afternoon together, it'd seemed like much longer. I was super busy with camp activities and issues. Megan got sick several days ago, so I had to take her classes, on top of answering calls, usually far too late. The extra stress was taking its toll.
Eli stopped by a few times, and sat in on some classes even. Of course, he always chose the most 'sexual' ones, making me blush any time I caught his eye. As much as I loved seeing him, it was just making it harder to do my job. So I asked him to observe a few other teachers, to give me his opinions, obviously. He didn't buy it either, but he agreed, for me.
