Not all people of faith believe that sex (even before marriage) is bad. Sex is a form of commitment, pleasure, intimacy, and strength. Most marriages end because of sex, whether from lack of it, or seeking it elsewhere.
Church Sex Camp is a place f...
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No. Stop. Please. Paul is doing it again. He's holding me down and ramming into me. He's tearing me from the inside out! Why does he do this? Why do I let him? He claims it's because a wife should submit to her husband, and it's within his rights to take me, no matter if I liked it or not.
I kept my eyes closed and drowned out all over noise. All I could hear were his grunts as he emptied himself into me. I cried and shook, it was all I could do. He threw a blanket over me and left me to rock back and forth. All I could hear were my sobs, all I could feel was the pain inside me.
Distantly I could hear water running. It was probably his shower, he always said he had to take one to wash my stink off of him. Then my blanket was gone, no! Not again! Please!
Water, I was soaking in a tub. But how? I dared to open my eyes and I was hit with guilt.
I had been with Eli! When had my mind shut down and taken me back to my past?
"Hey, there you are! I thought a bath might help. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I feel like an asshole. Please forgive me."
"Eli? When, um did I? Um, how long was I out?"
This isn't the first time I've blanked out and felt the past crashing into me. But I had been enjoying it! I hadn't been in pain, it felt good!
"I'm not exactly sure. It's possible that it happened when you closed your eyes, but I honestly wish I knew. I would have stopped so much sooner if I hadn't been focused on... it doesn't matter. I need to know that you're okay."
"You stopped?"
"Of course I stopped! The second you said 'no'!"
My mind was spinning. I knew he had said he would, but I also know that it's hard for them to stop. Paul never did, no matter how much I begged.
"Right, it's just... I'm not used to it."
"You're not used to sex, or it stopping?"
God! How do I say this?!
"Stopping"
"Did he rape you?!"
I could tell he was getting upset. I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to talk about it. Ever. A tear rolled down my cheek, I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands.
"Fucking bastard! I'm gonna kill him!"
"No, please. It's over, done. I just want to move on. To forget."
"But it's not over. He's still in your head, he still has control over you!"
I knew he was right, but it still hurt to hear. I'd worked so many years to keep myself from the pain and memories. I refused to allow myself intimacy so I could forget his cruelty. I was fooling myself. I would never forget.
