Not the Same

Guilt

Connor’s POV

            “Connor, could you give me and Joey some time along,” Cat asked me.

            “Yeah,” I say. “Take your time.”

            I get off the couch and head to Cat’s room. When I get inside, I close the door and turn on the light. Cat hadn’t made her bed yet, but I’m not complaining. I walk over to her bed and collapse on top of it.

            Lying there, all I could think was of Ricky. Especially, those words he said to me. “I-I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you,” he said to me. Every time I had that sentence pass through my mind, it felt like I was being stabbed in the heart it felt so painful. I barely had any sleep because every time I'd close my eyes, all I could see was Ricky being shot. The sound of the shot would instantly wake me up. I felt like I was trapped inside my mind and I was being constantly tortured by it.

            I tried to raise up, but the feeling of guilt kept me pinned down. It felt like an anvil was on top of me, it felt so heavy. If it wasn’t for me, Ricky wouldn’t have gotten shot and he would still have this memory. It’s my fault he’s like this. It’s my fault! Tears began to form in my eyes as I thought that, but it’s true. If I had only been awake when this was happening; I could’ve helped. I could’ve saved him. He’d still remember me.

            As I lay on Cat’s bed, I slowly began to drift asleep. No, I can’t fall asleep, but I barely slept any last night. My eyes grew heavier. I can’t fight this! I then quickly passed out.

(Connor’s mind)

            I open my eyes to find myself inside a hospital on a hospital bed. “Where am I,” I ask myself.

            Suddenly, the door to the room opens up. I look and see that it’s Ricky.

            “Ricky,” I say excitedly.

            He walks over to me and grabs my hand. “Hey, Connor,” he says with a sweet smile. “How are you feeling?”

            “I’m feeling great now that you are here,” I say as I grab his hand.

            “I’m glad,” he says. “Connor, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

            “Me too,” I say. “You go first.”

            “Okay,” he says. “Well, ever since I laid my eyes on you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind; even for a second.”

            “Really,” I ask.

            “Yes,” he said. “All I’ve thought about is being with you because I love you, Connor. I love you, so much.”