Not the Same

It's Just Too Much

Connor’s POV

            I didn’t want to go on this dinner with Ricky and everyone, but thanks to Joey I was thrown into this. I didn’t want to speak to him, hear him, see him, or anything until he figured everything out. The only time I spoke at that extremely uncomfortable dinner was if I was spoken to and still it was only one to two word responses.

            After dinner, the drive home was even more awkward. I could feel Ricky’s eyes of guilt penetrating the back of my head as I stared up at the starless sky. I didn’t dare look him in the eyes. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want his sadness. I didn’t want his confliction. I didn’t want anything. I just wanted to disappear into the darkness of the sky and become a star. However, I was doomed to be chained to this earthly prison and suffer as I watch Kian and Ricky together.

            “Connor,” I hear Ricky say.

            I ignored him.

            “Connor, please,” Ricky says. “Talk to me.”

            I stayed silent.

            “We’re here,” Joey says as he pulls into the apartment complex’s parking lot.

            As soon as Joey stopped the car and parked it, I immediately unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door. Ricky grabs my wrist, but I quickly jerk it out of his grip.

            “Co-,” I slam the door in his face.

            I march up to the apartment and don’t look back. As I waited for Joey, Cat, Shelby, Andrea, Doug, and ugh Ricky to get up here, I leaned up against the wall with my arms crossed as I stared down at the floor. I feel someone grab my shoulder. “Ricky, go the he-,” I say, but stop as I see it was Cat. “Oh, hey Cat. Sorry.”

            “Connor, are you okay,” Cat says. “I’ve seen how much you’ve been hurting.”

            “C-Can we talk somewhere else,” I stutter.

            “Sure,” Cat says.

            Cat and I walk down to the end of the hallway; away from Cat and Joey’s apartment. “So, how have you been feeling,” Cat asks.

            “I feel…I feel like I’m suffocating,” I say. “When I’m here, I have to see Ricky and Kian all flirtatious. I thought I could get away from that at work, but now Kian’s there too. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t escape from it. Every time I see them, it feels like I’m being shot in the heart and with each moment of that, the impact of the shot gets more intense. I don’t know if I can sit there and watch it happen again.”

            “What do you want to do,” Cat asks placing a hand on my shoulder.