Not the Same

Internal Struggle

Connor’s POV

            As Cat drove to the hospital, I sat thinking how I would jog Ricky’s memories. On occasion, my train of thought was disturbed by the constant giggling of Cat and Doug’s. Looking up there I could see them blushing. Ah, young love. I hope their's goes better than my soap opera of a relationship. I mean being in a relationship with someone, but turn around and be in love with your best friend who is in love with his best friend from back home. Yep, that definitely sounds like a episode that would get millions of views.

            We arrive at the hospital and it was getting late. Looking at the clock in the car, I saw that visiting hours was almost over. We quickly go inside and walk up to the receptionist. Before we could even say anything, the receptionist just said for us to go on up. We head up and walk inside Ricky’s room. I see Joey sitting in a chair beside the bed that Ricky and Kian were laying in. They were all watching Pokémon. “Come on Ash! You’ve got this,” Ricky shouts.

            “Hey guys,” Cat says. “I brought Doug along if that’s okay.”

            “That’s fine,” Joey says. “Hey, guess what?”

            “What,” Doug asks.

            “Kian and Ricky are dating now,” Joey says. “Isn’t that great?”

            “It’s great! It’s really great,” I say trying to sound excited.

            I look to see Kian and Ricky holding hands; enjoying each other’s company. “Hey…..Connor, right,” Ricky says.

            “Yeah, that’s great,” I say with a smile. Well, at least he still remembers my name. “How are you feeling?”

            “I’m feeling great, now,” Ricky says as he looks at Kian.

            “Aw,” Kian says and kisses Ricky.

            Looking at them, made me feel like a balloon with my emotions inflating me to the point of popping. Feelings of sadness, anger, and jealousy were building up in my body that I felt like I about to explode and just scream at them. However, I knew that was the wrong way to handle this situation. Kian has done nothing wrong. He’s a good person. As much as I didn’t want to, I forced a smile on my face. Keeping that smile was a struggle because I wanted to frown at that moment.

            “So, Ricky,” I say to get his attention. “You ready for me to help you with remembering your time in LA?”

            “Yeah, about that,” Ricky says. “The nurse said that since we’re here in LA and that I pretty well remember everything from my past because of Kian, they said it be better if I went and looked at everything in person. Doing so, could help bring everything back quicker. They also said I could stay with you all. I just have to show up every now and then for check-ups.

            “That’s great,” I say actually feeling happy. Now I don’t have to schedule my meetings with him. “When are you leaving?”

            “Today,” Ricky answers.

            “Cool,” I say.

            I look over to Joey and see him looking at me. He looked extremely happy to see me. I am going to hate breaking up with him, but Cat’s right. I need to end this. I can’t keep this façade going anymore. It’s time to draw the curtains on this romance. The question is, when, where, and how am I going to do this.

            A nurse walks in and asks, “Are you ready to leave?”

            “Yes,” Ricky says. “Do you have any clothes for me to change in? I don’t think I came here in a hospital gown.”

            “Well, we have your jeans, shoes, socks, and boxers right outside the room. However, your shirt was soaked in blood so much that we had to cut the shirt off you.”

            “That’s fine,” Kian says and takes off his shirt; having a tank top underneath. “He can have mine.”

            The nurse leaves the room and shortly comes back with Ricky’s clothes. “We’ll let you get changed,” Cat says.

            We all leave the room leaving Ricky to change. After a couple of minutes, Ricky comes out fully dressed. A nurse comes over with a wheelchair. Ricky sits down and Kian takes the wheelchair and pushes Ricky to the elevator. We all and the nurse exit the hospital and walk over to Joey’s car. Joey unlocks his car and Kian then helps Ricky inside. The nurse takes the wheelchair and takes it back to the hospital.

            “Thank you for taking care of him,” I say.

            “It was our pleasure,” she says.

            Kian, Ricky, and Joey ride over to Joey and Cat’s place in Joey’s car while Doug, Cat, and I left in Cat’s car. Going home, I could see Joey’s car in front of us. In the backseat, I could see Ricky and Kian cuddled up together. I look to the sky trying to get them out of my mind. I stare at the luminous moon. Looking at the moon, made me think of myself. It shines brightly in the night sky, but is alone with the stars gone because of the LA lights. The only one who could feel its pain is the sun; forced to shine alone. Only during an eclipse do the two meet. During that time, it’s a magical and phenomenal moment. However, that moment is short lived. The two then have to separate and live apart.

            We pull up to Joey and Cat’s place and go inside. Looking at the clock, it was around ten o’clock. We were already exhausted so we immediately go to bed. Joey and I slept in Joey’s room. Cat slept in her room while Kian and Ricky shared the couch.

            I wake up to find that it was two in the morning. I find Joey’s arm wrapped around me; spooning me. I gently lift his arm off me and exit the bed. I walk out of the room to go use the bathroom. I walk into the next room to find that Kian and Ricky had left the TV on. Looking at them cuddled up on the couch, made me feel sick of myself. Am I really going to try and break these two up? Ricky snuggles his head up into Kian shoulder. They are so happy!

            Tomorrow, well today is a new day, hopefully I'll be able to figure this all out then, but at the moment I need to get some sleep and be ready to help Ricky in any way I can.