Beyond Trust

Part 21

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joslyn's flashback, 2003

It's thundering today, a perfect reflection of my mood. I have to go back to her again. Why can't my brother and I just live with my dad?
  Why won't he take us both?
Why won't he try? Why is his 'job' more important than his own daughter?

"What you doin' pumpkin?" my dad asks me.
I don't respond, just continue looking out the window.
   "I know you don't want to go back-"
"Then why are you making me?!" I yell. "I don't want to go back there! She doesn't even... feed us anymore."
    "What?"
"She leaves a lot more now." I say.
    "Shit. Goddammit. You're only 8... but I know you can handle this."
"Huh?"
    "I'm going to teach you the basics of cooking, how does that sound?"
"Are you sure about this? I don't think I'm allowed near a stove."   
    "Yes I'm sure. Come with me and I'll show you."
~•~•~•~•~
After about 3 hours he taught me how to use the stove and make basic foods like pasta, rice, and shrimp. He's taught me how to clean the meat and how to be carful when frying.

  "I don't think I'll remember all that." I admit.
"It's okay. I'll just remind you next time." he assures me. "Here take this. Do not let your mother see. I love you Joslyn, so much."
   He hands me 2 $100 bills then pulls me into a tight hug.

        I never said I love you back that day.
~•~•~•~
A month after that day I knew exactly how to make pasta so I decided I'd buy some shrimp and make shrimp fettuccine for my brother and I.

  "Jayden I'm going to cook something delicious! Daddy taught me. I picked up the shrimp on my way home from school." I tell him. He's only 4 but he nods and laughs.

  "Where's mommy?" he asks me.

She's passed out in her room from drinking so much but I can't say that.

   "She's not here right now, stay with me okay?"
"Okay! What are you making?"
    "Shrimp pasta!"
"Yayy!"

He's never had shrimp fettuccine before and I'm super excited to make it for him. As I start cooking I notice Jayden make a weird face but I ignore it and continue. When I finally finish I hand Jayden a small fork and his plate.

  "Thank you sister!"
"You're welcome now hurry and eat."

I take a bite and instantly love it. I should be a chef when I grow up! I'll make the best food in the world and I'll be on tv and magazines and-

Jayden starts coughing.
   "Are you okay?" I ask him.
He continues to cough while putting his hands on his throat. Something is definitely wrong. I rush to my mother's bedroom, take her phone, then lock her bedroom door and close it behind me. When I get back to Jayden he's gotten worse. He's wheezing while on the floor, hands still on his throat. I call 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"
   "My brother can't breathe! Please send help he's only 4!"
"Do you know the address?"

I grab a letter from on top of the counter and read her the address.

  "Please calm down, do you know if he has any allergies?" she asks.
"I don't know."
   "Did he eat anything new? Seafood, peanuts, anything with gluten?"
"I made shrimp fettuccine."
    "You made it? Where's your mother? How old are you?"

Do I tell her the truth? No.
They'll separate Jayden and I.

"She's at work.. and I'm 8."
"Help is almost here sweetie. How's your brother doing now?"
  "The same."
~•~•~•~•~
I'm sitting in the waiting room when my dad comes.
"Joslyn! Dear god, what happened? Are you alright?"

"It's my fault daddy. I made shrimp and he's .. he could have died! It's my fault!" I sob into his arms.

"You didn't know. It's okay, you did the right thing calling for help. Where's your mother?" he asks.
    "I locked her in the room so the police wouldn't find her."
"What? Why would you do that?"
    "I don't want them to separate us daddy. Mother said if we ever go to the police we'll be separated in different foster cares."
"Oh Joslyn."
He keeps me in his arms the whole night. Jayden was okay and I vowed to never make or eat shrimp again.