Beyond Trust

Part 38

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Joslyn's flashback, 2009

The woman who birthed me and my dad are talking. I tried my best not to eavesdrop but temptation got the best of me.

"Adrienne. You've hurt me more than any fucking thing yet I still.. I still fucking love you. Even after you cheated, had a child with another man, and treated our daughter like... I still love you. And I know how sick that is but I still want you." my dad says.

How could he say that he loved her after all she's done? If that's what falling in love does, I don't ever want to find love.

"Richard, don't-"
   "No Adrienne you don't. Stop seeing him and I'll take of you, our daughter, and your son. I see your demons baby, it's gotten you. Let me help free you, the sweet caring Adrienne is still in there."
"I - it's hard. It's so fucking hard, you don't know! The gambling, the money, it's–"

They've gone silent. I take a peek from my room and see he's kissing her. What? After everything she's done.

"W-what have I done?" my mom murmurs. "Richard I am so sorry."
   "I know." he drops to his knees and starts shaking. "I know."

I run over to him.
"Daddy! Dad! No! What's wrong? What did you do?!" I yell at her.
   "Joslyn I .. the food.. it was mixed with penicillin. He's allergic. I'm sorry I'll call an ambulance!"

She runs over to her phone and calls 9-1-1. His body trembles more and more. His gun is sticking out his back pocket. I pull it out and take it out of safety. When my mom turns around to face me I have the gun pointed at her head. She tells the operator the address then hangs up.

  "Joslyn. I don't blame you for being mad at me."

My hands shake as I put my finger on the trigger. Thank god Jayden is asleep.

"I'm so so sorry." the woman who birthed me says.

I don't care. I'm going to shoot, she took something very important from me. My own dad! She closes her eyes awaiting death, accepting it and I will gladly deliver. Just as I'm about to pull the trigger a trembling hand touches my arm.
Dad.
I look at him and it pains me. He lowers my arm then smiles.

"Please.. forgive.. her.." he says. That was the last thing he said before the trembling stopped and his eyes go lifeless.

"Dad? Dad! Daddy! Please! Don't leave me! I love you, please don't go! Dad! Dad please no!" I shake him violently trying to revive him. My mom races over and tries to find a pulse but doesn't. She starts performing CPR.

"Richard no! Richard!" she screams.

A chair is moved from behind me.
Jayden.
He was watching, how long was he there? Had he seen me pointing a gun at his mother? I disregard everything and sob. I sob at my father's limp body.

He's dead.
She killed him. 
Yet his last words were 'please forgive her.'

No last goodbyes or an I love you, just an impossible request. He did love her, more than anything, more than me.

He was pronounced dead at the scene. I wanted to be away from her and take Jayden with me but that was another impossible request.

At his funeral Lloyd said he'd take me in and that woman couldn't do a thing about it. If she did, I'd tell the police that death was no accident.

Please forgive her.
Never. I protected her ass from prison, that should be more than enough.
~•~•~•~
"What do you mean you're leaving?" Jayden asks
  "I can't stay here anymore. I'm sorry Jayden."
"Will you visit?"
   "No. But when I get older I'll come back for you, I promise. I love you." I say.

"Bullshit! You don't love me! Your promise means nothing to me! Nothing! I hate you!" he yells with tears in his eyes. He runs inside before I could see them fall.

His words cut me deep.
I hate you.
I don't blame him. I lost him the second I aimed a gun at his mom and me leaving is just the icing on the cake. I cry my eyes out in the car. I'll be living with Lloyd from now on. Jayden will be safe with her, she's never harmed him. I wipe my last tear and go silent the rest of the car ride.