Beyond Trust

Part 55

A/N; Sorry for the long update time ~
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Tristan's POV

"Stop." Joslyn says.

Don't stop her. I deserve every fucking word and all the fucking insults she can think of. I deserve it all.

"Listen, um.." she looks over at Maddie. Jace hands her his phone. She unlocks it then plays some sort of game. "Alright. Tris and I are just friends, and before anyone calls BS, yes we had some moments but it never ended in us... you know. He always stopped it before we could go there. I didn't know why before but now I do. After coming back from Ohio and seeing my now late mother, I understand how strong love actually is. Both my parents went through some rough and rocky times with each other but they both spent their last breath thinking about each other."

"Oh my god." Brooklyn says.

"Yeah. What I'm trying to say is, if Tris feels that same strong connection my parents did with each other for his girl then I'm happy for him. They were at their happiest when they were together and I wish nothing but happiness for Tris."

I look at her and she gives me a small smile.

"I wish the best for you two." she continues. "But a little warning would have been nice, you know? You've been carrying her ring for a long time now. Aren't we at least friends?"

"I'm sorry." I say as I look away from her. I know she means what she says. I also know she's hurt by what she's saying.

I tried pushing you away Joslyn.
I knew we'd never be able to be together.

I told you my life is all planned out. The only reason I'm marrying her is to better the business relationship between our fathers. My life has never been my own. For a while, this didn't phase me. I was fine with it.

My plan was simple.
Fuck a girl once, never twice.
Avoid communicating with them after.

By doing this I could ensure I'd never get attached to any woman and that's what I did. Women practically threw themselves at me when they realized how much I'm worth so it was no problem finding different women. I did this for years with no problem. But then you came along.
   You don't know how much you affect me. My mind is constantly on you. I can't get you out of my head. My body aches for you, I can't get aroused by any other woman but you. Why is it you? Why did you have to come crashing into my life? Why do I feel things I've never felt before with you?

Why did I have to love you?

I saw Danny leaning in to kiss her. I hated him for it. She started to lean in too. I was livid and hurt.

I have no right to be mad at either of them. I'm going to be fucking married for gods sake.

I look at my phone and see it's 7:53pm. The fireworks will start soon. Everyone has already gotten up and went into the water except for Joslyn and I.

"Where's your fiancé?" she asks.
"I don't know." I answer honestly. I don't add the 'and I don't care' part.
"Oh. She'd probably flip her shit if she saw us together right now. She probably will thanks to those assholes." she points to the paparazzi taking pictures of us.
"Why aren't you swimming?" I ask.
"Period."
"Oh.."
"Yup. And you?"
I shrug.

A silence falls between us.

"Hey Tris?"
"Yeah?"
"I need to tell you something."
"As your boss or as your friend? I'm really not in the mood to fire anyone right now." I say jokingly to lighten the tension between us. She chuckles as she nudges me.
"As your friend."
"What is it?" I ask.
"Don't be mad at me, okay? I know I shouldn't tell you but..."
"Tell me."
"I love you."

I turn to look at her but she's looking out into the ocean.

"I'm sorry but I had to tell you. I love you, Tristan. I know you're in love with Tiana and I'm okay with that. I just had to tell you."

I hear my heart beating through my ears. The three words I wanted and didn't want to hear. She loves me back..
I want to kiss her.
I want to pick her up and tell her I feel the same way.
I want to fuck her.
I want this girl so goddamn bad.

I get up and walk away. I need to clear my head, silence all these thoughts and voices, and there's only one place that can do that.
~•~•~•~•~
"Tristan? What are you doing here?"
    "I need to drive." I tell the man at the racetrack.
"There's a crowd today. I don't know–"
    "I'll pay you genuinely. I need this. Please."
"Okay. Get dressed and pick a car. Hurry, you're going on the next race."
     "Thanks."

I don't care if there's a crowd or other racers. I just need to clear my fucking mind. I put the gear on and pick a random car. I don't check the car engine, I just hop in and drive towards the checkered line.

"Let's all give it up for a special guest, Tristan Alvarez!" I hear a man announce. Cheers emerge from the crowd. "Alright! Drivers are you ready? Start your engines!"

I start the engine.

"Go!"

I flip the switch and drive off. I love the adrenaline. I love the rush.

"Andddd our special guest is in the lead!"

Why isn't this fucking working? The words are still circling in my mind.

I love you.

Don't love me Joslyn.
I speed up the car.

I know you're in love with Tiana and I'm okay with that.

I don't fucking love her.

I wish nothing but happiness for Tris.

Enough!
I need to slow down for the upcoming turn. I adjust the switches but nothing happens. I try again and even attempt the breaks but nothing is happening. I'm running out of time. I reach for the switch to turn the car off—

"Turn the car!! Turn the car!! Oh my god! Call the police! Get...!" the man's voice slowly begins to tune out. 

No voices.
No compulsive thoughts.
I'm at peace just before I'm filled with complete darkness.