Social |Namjin|

Rant

This will be my last rant on this book.

A lot of people have messaged me telling me that I can always talk to them about my feelings and I do appreciate it 💕 but I think I should say this to everyone all at once.

Its 3 am and I don't know what to do. Sorry if I bother you guys with these a lot. I just don't know where else to turn to.

Sometimes I wonder if i was supposed to be born? When my mom gave birth to me she already had 4 kids...why would she want a 5th?

I mean she even gave me away...never took care of me. Once she hadn't visited me for a whole fucking year..am I that unimportant that she would want to forget about my existence completely. She never showed up to my award ceremonies she didn't even come to my kindergarten graduation. She came to my 8th grade graduation but I'm sure its because my older sister was graduating too.

My birthdays...one birthday she promised me over the phone, yup she wasn't even there, she promised me over the phone that she would take me out to dinner. I'm still waiting for that damn day

And sometimes I think I could make my moms life way easier if I just offed myself or some shit but I doubt that's something I would do. But at times I do consider it.

I'm in fucking new York. Its been a whole month and she hasn't even called or texted me to see how I am yet she's always on facebook.

I don't know what to do...I can't even have a real conversation with my mom without things getting awkward.

It hurts that my little sisters don't even know I'm their sister because I don't live with them and my mom hasn't talked about me to them once...

I don't know what to do...I've already tried talking to my mom but I just get off topic answers...

The song up top and bottom honestly explains how I'm feeling at this point.