My Wreckage: Camp Nanowrimo (July)- In Editing

Chapter 21: The Night I Fell (Troy)

Troy

Past

I'd made a mistake. I needed to call her and tell her that this was a bad idea. I never should have brought her to the cove, I never should have kissed her. I still could feel her coming apart in my arms. I hadn't had a girlfriend since Leona. Then I thought about the end of the summer. I wasn't sure how she would feel about a long distance relationship, but I didn't want to anchor her. I knew I wanted to be with her, My heart raced when we decided to be official. I didn't know that I wanted it.

I wanted to move her in with me. I wanted to share a bed with her. If she had just been a little older and finished with college, I knew I would have wanted a longterm relationship. I couldn't help but wonder how she felt about kids, how she would like with Porter.

I threw my pillow over my face knowing the last thing she needed to think about was kids. She had her life to think about that. I lifted the pillow grabbing my phone off of the night stand. I needed to call her and tell her this was a mistake. Scar, baby I care for you, but I'm not the man for you. We're just in two different people in two different places in our lives. It just can't work. I don't want to hurt you...I don't want to get hurt. I really think that I made a mistake. I blame myself. I never should have let this go on like this, but I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world.

"Hello?"

I cleared my throat, "Hey Scar, did I wake you. I'm sorry if I woke you, sweetheart."

She giggled sweetly sending my stomach rippling. I swallowed. "Actually, I can't sleep. I keep thinking about today."

I smiled. I couldn't help it. "Maybe I should give you another day off."

"No." She protested. I knew she wouldn't have agreed that was one of the many things I loved about her.

"Okay, but I'm going to expect you at your best."

"You will." She said, "Come on Troy you know me."

I ran my fingers through my hair, "Don't I?" I sighed, "You're amazing do you know that?"

"I'm just trying to keep up with my sweet and sexy boyfriend."

That word coming from her warmed my chest. "You never have to keep up, babe."

"I can't believe we kissed today."

The warmth moved to my lips. "I know." I would have made love to her. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Not if she'd be leaving me. I knew I needed to control myself.

"You're really good at it."She giggled, "But I'm sure you've had a lot of practice with that."

"Babe, as far as I'm concerned you're my world series." It was like my mouth was moving on it's own, but I meant it. Kissing her sent my soul soaring like nothing I'd ever felt. That's what scared me. I knew that if I had consummated that feeling I would have never had the strength to let her go. I needed to. I kept telling myself.

"You tell that to all the girls you kiss."

"Scar, I have never told another woman that before. I've never felt this way about another woman before."

"Troy?"

Her saying my name caused my heart to ripple. "Yeah?"

"You're not my first boyfriend."

I chuckled. "I didn't think I was."

"There was a guy I was with before I left. I dated this guy through high school, but when I left he wasn't even an after thought. I mean I think about it him, but then I met you, Troy...I'm scared, I'm confused, I feel like I'm going crazy, and I have never felt so alive. Troy, I came home and turned on the radio and a love song on the radio...and for the first time it made sense."