My Wreckage: Camp Nanowrimo (July)- In Editing

Chapter 24: When The Truth Broke Me (Troy)

Troy

(Past)

I was falling harder for Scar everyday. Nick was right, Scar brought out the best in me. Spending time with Scarlett after work was something I had to look forward to. My life didn't surround the restaurant.

I had to the mainland to help build my case. We thought it would be easy, but Leona was still putting up a fight and I didn't understand why.

I got to see Porter. Holding Porter in my arms for the first time in what felt like forever made everything come together for me. Leona said nothing to me. She hardly looked at me. I knew I'd hurt her, but she had to understand what Porter meant to me. He was my son. I loved him more than anything, but he was also my legacy. I wanted to leave my mother's house and the restaurant to him.

I ruffled my fingers through his hair. Taking in his scent. I didn't know when I'd see him again. It was amazing how he had changed in a year. He was so smart. I loved the way he talked about School and the sports he'd play. Leona put him in everything, even football.

I couldn't wait until I could walk on the beach with him him and talk like I used to with my mom. I kept picturing Scar with us. I'd never talk to Scar about it, no would I put something like that on her.

I didn't want to leave Porter, it was like my heart was split between Porter and now Scar. My lawyer assured me that I'd have my son with me by Christmas break, maybe even Scar would visit me.

That next morning Leona came to see me at the job. With a bomb to drop.

"I just thought that you should hear it from me." She said.

Betrayal ached through me.

"I don't believe you." I growled, "You're just trying get to me, Lea. It won't work. Not this time."

Her eyes glassed over. "I just thought you needed to know."

After she left I knew she was trying to get to me, and it worked.

I wanted to jump off a cliff. I didn't want to believe that Porter wasn't mine. I told her I would believe her when I saw the results.

When I didn't think the night could get worse. I got a call from Brit telling me someone tried Scar at the bon fire. While I was in my office feeling sorry for myself, I wasn't there when she needed me. I knew I couldn't protect her from everything, but I wished I would have kicked Brandon's ass. I had to leave in the middle of the night. I had done it before, for less noble reason.

I talked Scar into pressing charges and a restraining order, but the truth was if he came near her again he would be the one with the restraining order. Just picturing his grimy hands on her made me want to tear his limps off. It was more than just a carnal instinct to protect my girl, it was thinking about how many other times he had gotten away with it.

Just when I thought the hell ride was over. I was on my way to work and checked my mail. The results came, I ripped opened the enveloped and my worse fears came true. Porter wasn't mine. That cliff became more alluring by the minute. I knew Scar would have hated me, but I needed to alone. I couldn't even face her. The thoughts of having her and Porter haunted me. I knew she was supposed to leave, but something in me wanted to believe that somehow, we'd be a family. One piece of paper crushed that.

I asked Zeke to make sure Scar got home, and to tell her that I was under the weather. I hated lying but, it was embarrassing. Nick came to the house and we dealt with it just how we dealt with his wife, and my mother. We got drunk on my back porch.

"I remember the first time I held him in my arms." I brushed my fingers through my hair letting my head sink.

"Does that piece of paper make him less your son?"

I shrugged and took another sip off the my beer. I needed something stronger. "It's enough for her to keep him from me anyway. As far as I am concerned the three years we we were married doesn't mean a damn thing."

He blew out a breath and looked into the ocean. He was lucky, he had gotten it right the first time. He had his memories of a good woman to comfort him. All I had was regrets.

"Sick huh?"

My attention turned to the doorway of the house, her eyes were swollen. There was my good woman, that I was sure of, and once again I'd let her down.

Nick made his way inside. Leaving me to deal with someone else's hurt that I couldn't subside.

"You are a real son of bitch, Troy." She snapped, "You used to be able to talk to me." Everything fuzzed. I was sure it was, something along the lines of how could I be so careless. In our short time together, we had connected so well, and here I was ruining everything. She was probably breaking up with me, and I was okay with that. I didn't want that. I had to admit it. I wanted her in my life, but she was going to leave me anyway.

I shrugged. "Do what you got to do babe." I took a sip of beer.

"Did you even hear anything I said?"

"Clearly, I felt something real here, and I felt it alone...and." A tear streamed down her face and my heart crushed again, "I can't do this again Troy. If you don't love me, the way I love you."

My eyes widened. We never brought love in the equation. I felt it, but I would never speak it until I was sure. If she loved me, than I hurt her more than I thought I did. And if I hurt her, I hurt me. I stood up and brought my arms around her. She fought me, but I continued to hold her.

She finally surrendered and sobbed. "If you don't love me just tell me. Just put me out of my misery."

I would have been easy to say it. Tell her I didn't care. Tell her I didn't love her. I nuzzled in her hair. "Scar, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry babe."

She looked up at me with her wet eyes. "You don't?"

I searched the sparkles in her big eyes, and I wanted to tell her I didn't. I wanted her to just walk out angry at me. I wanted to let her go now, because I knew the truth. My lips fell into hers. I wanted her to pull away, but she didn't she teased her tongue with mine sending by body into a rage I pulled her into my arms and let her wrap her legs around me. I eased back into my chair with her straddling me as we explored each other's mouths with our tongues. Her hands darted for the buttons on my shirt.

I heard Nick clear his throat pulling us out of our dazed. Scar bashfully fell into my chest giggling.

"I'm going to go home." He laughed.

I nodded. "I'll let you out."

I knew that if Nick wasn't there I would have had her. I couldn't resist her. My will power was weighing down. I didn't know if I wanted her to stay the night.

We ended up in my bed and I resisted from the brink. I didn't know where I found the will power. I guessed it was nothing more than being tired out from the foreplay. I'd explored her naked body with my tongue, there was a moment tasting the flesh between her legs she cried out, "I love you, Troy!" As she reach climax. My lips returned to hers but I couldn't say it, not like this, drunk and in the heat of passion. I felt it, and I knew it was real but the time wasn't right. Maybe it was why I held back.

She slept tangled in my arms. And for the first time in my life, being naked completely I felt awake, real. It was like I had a new awareness that I was completed by this amazing creature in my arms. The was the woman I wanted and would wait a million lifetimes for and I would do anything for her. We would figure something to take this beyond this summer. I was even prepared to leave all of this behind. That was the extreme of course, but I was prepared for it none the less.