Crush x Reader One Shots

-crush x self harming!depressed!reader//hate-

i'm in an angsty mood so heres an angsty one shot for you guys :-1

also i feel like this story isn't as good anymore. i'm getting lots of reads but not many votes and reads on my newer one shots. are they getting worse? do you guys like the style of writing from the beginning of the book? is the cover not interesting? please let me know and give feedback on what you'd like to see. 

trigger warning: there will be self harm and depression in this one shot. if you're sensitive to this stuff please proceed with caution or don't read this.

also, I AM NOT romanticizing mental illness in any way. i am just writing a one shot. mental illness is not something i take lightly. sorry if you feel i am romanticizing it, because in no way am i attempting to. 

note: the stuff in bold is text messages 

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Tonight was your special game and movie night with (c/n). You set out bowls of popcorn and chips for the two of you to eat, and make neat stacks of games and movies you wanted to watch. You had been looking forward to this for weeks. Spending time with (c/n) made you feel happy. 

Really, (c/n) was one of the only few things that made you truly happy. You felt safe and loved around him. However, you definitely couldn't say the same about his friends. 

You were about to get into the shower to clean up when your phone buzzed. It was one of (c/n)'s friends. 

(c/n/f): why is (c/n) coming over? 

(c/n/f): he hates you. he probably just feels bad for you since you're so lonely.

You took a deep breath. Ever since you and (c/n) started dating, his friends had been sending you hate mail and bothering you. (c/n) knew nothing, because you hadn't told him. You didn't want to cause problems or drama with his friends. 

(c/n/f): you should just break up already. you don't deserve him. 

(c/n/f): you ugly bitch

(c/n/f): answer me. why are you still dating him?

(c/n/f): good for nothing trash. 

You bit your lip, turning off your phone. It's ok, you thought. Just some text messages. Nothing much. 

You thought back to the times his friends saw you in public. When they tried to force you to break up with him...when they screamed and screamed at you...

The stuff they had said...was it true? Did (c/n) really hate you? What if he actually did want to break up with you, but he felt too bad to say anything...

You felt your eyes start to well up. stop it (y/n), you thought. don't be such a baby. 

You really were trying to keep it together. Your phone kept flashing and texts kept coming. All of a sudden, your thoughts exploded and you slid down the wall, sobbing. Your nails grabbed at your arms, leaving angry red marks. you deserve this. you deserve the pain. 

An idea popped into your head. "No," You said to yourself. "It's been weeks since I last did it...I was trying to stay clean for him..."

You gulped. Your thoughts were overwhelming. They were too strong to control; you opened your bathroom cabinet and took out your razor blade. 

Choking out sobs, you raised the blade to your arm and cut. 

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Then again. 

You winced. Your arm was dripping with blood. You reached your arm into the shower and hissed. The hot water stung your cuts. You raised your razor up to your arm again, but a knock on the bathroom door sounded out of nowhere, making you jump and drop the blade.