The Queen's Shadow

The Queen and her Son conclusion

~~~Lilith 06/07/1944

We sat at the table in the dining room. I had a clear glass table with two chairs; this was another room I did not use. I added everything only so that we could eat together or at least have the illusion. The biggest problem was that Gabriel wasn't eating any of the food I had. I understood that I did not eat human food, but why didn't he eat? This an obvious question with an obvious answer. His fear of me was still apparent. I could smell it in his sweat, was he that scared of me? It's about time I broke the silence. "You know you could always eat the food I got for you?" He shifted in his seat.

'Yeah,' he said sarcastically. 'I'm not hungry, though.'

He was lying. I could hear his stomach; fear numbs a lot of your body responses. "If you're still upset about me killing that man, I'm sorry." He looked at me with such fear but anger in his eyes. 'There is a lot I am still trying to wrap my head around, so forgive me for not wanting to eat from the mother that abandoned me and ate a German soldier in front of me.' He was putting up a front; he was horrified of me, and he had every right to be.

"Listen if you don't eat, you're going to pass-" his temper became apparent. 'You almost sound like you're concerned. You haven't been in my life for 23 years; I think I'll manage.' It's one of the few times a human would cut me off. I would've ripped anyone else in half or split their egos open with my words. His words were not only strong but cut deep. There was truth to them. The truth is, I'm lucky that he's willing to hear me out. I was never there for him. I was around them most of their lives. It was back when technology wasn't at the forefront. Now humans are making things every day. All of his brothers and his sisters had me in their lives. I supported them from afar; I want them to be independent away from me. Until they were adults, he was just meeting me.

I had abandoned him and his father. "I know it's hard to forgive me, but you're one of my children that I haven't seen... you since you were an infant, you going to a war where you could never come back." My words were genuine, but he stood up and said, 'What concern of that is yours? Because I'm your son? If you haven't noticed, you are a fucking vampire, and I am a human being or maybe even less.' His words continued to cut deep; this was something I should have expected.

I got up, and I was already in front of him, he didn't register that in time. I then slapped him five times, but his face would only process one. I didn't strike him; I just wanted him to come back to his senses.

"I did not invite you over here to eat you. You are over here because America is a shit show, and to get away from your fucking problems, you decided to go into the goddamned army. You can have bad blood with me, I understand it, but please love yourself. You are my son, and you are a proud black man, please understand I want you here because I love you and I would do nothing to hurt you." He looked down, and he wasn't afraid of me. He stopped letting fear get to him. 'I'm not calling you Mom so that you know' always with that last word. He clearly understood that from his father, or maybe he got that from me. "I don't expect you to," I shot back.

"So I have lamb in the icebox do you know how to use the new stove model." I motioned to the kitchen. He looked at the stove and said, 'yes.' It felt like his voice had a bit of regret for being an asshole. Within 20 minutes, he was eating, and I was happy. It was the first time in a long time I felt maternal instincts like this; I felt the need to feed my children to make them feel safe. I will savor this moment; I wanted to enjoy the time I had with my son. He was practically inhaling the lamb that. I cooked it on the fryer. I regret not getting side dishes, but it looks like he's enjoying it. He looked up from his plate and said, 'What do you mean by you were done pretending?' He remembered our conversation, and I guess it was time to give him answers. His eyes were calm, and he was somewhat relaxed. I think he was getting used to everything now.