The Queen's Shadow

Trapped Together

Gabriel April 9, 1928

I woke up in a cold sweat, I woke up in my childhood home. 'Are you ok Gabe?' I looked around my room with the same old setup it was before. Wait what am I talking about? I'm only 7. I focused on the face after wiping my eyes it was Mom her voice was still so sweet, Mom was always a night owl so she always checked on me while I slept. Her pale skin was almost glowing. "Hi, Mom," I said to her so happy to hear her voice.

'What happened?' I tried to recall everything but nothing came to my mind. What did I forget? 'QI had this strange dream.' A smile formed across her face she loved to listen to my dreams, but this one was more depressing than strange I grew up angry and I hated her. How could I hate my mom? Tears began to fall down my cheeks. Her face quickly showed concern. 'Gabriel what's wrong?' why am I crying? I did not expect to have this many feelings about a dream. 'Hey let's go get you something to eat.' The birds were chirping even though it was dark, the sun was soon to shine.

The Thursday morning reminded me that I had to study, mommy was always smart and wanted me to be smart like her and Dad. Though mom had to be super smart she knows multiplication, I never knew there could be so many numbers. She fried my eggs and even gave me some bacon, I wanted to savor it but it was too good.

'Gabriel slow down or you'll choke.' Her voice had some concern. I took a minute looked down and realized my eggs and bacon were almost gone I felt a little sad knowing it was almost gone. I was happy I got to enjoy it. Mom always said to enjoy each meal like it was the last and she was a great cook. This all felt so right, but why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?

'Gabe, how's breakfast?' I heard my father before I saw him, his smile large and over his face. Something didn't add up though, I had hardly ever seen my father smiling get this felt so familiar. 'What's wrong Gabe?' His face looked bewildered and caring. I then remembered something, something from my dream that felt so familiar and true...my dad died. 'Son?' I put my head down, I looked at the breakfast that was prepared for me and knew this wasn't right. It was October 22, 1950, I didn't look back up and I heard all of their voices drowned out, it went from clear voices that I can hear clear as day. Went to being muffled, then nothing.

That reality was a lie, that was all it was. This wasn't real I never had this growing up, I got up from the table, and within seconds this world disappeared and I made my way back to reality. When I got up from the table I didn't even lookup. I struggle to open my eyes, I don't know what was worse...was it the fact that I felt reality hit me like The Titanic hit that iceberg. Or the fact that this was a reality everyone including myself had to live in. Was my mind trying to cope with this or was it just a dream?

I took a look around and realized it was dark as hell, what the hell happened? I realize I told Lilith something but I can't remember, and why the hell was everything still dark? I had so many questions but right now I had to focus. 'You're finally awake.' I heard her voice it was so familiar like the one in my dream, but it was also heartbreaking that this was something I missed out on. Why was I so bitter about something like that? I felt like there was something deeply wrong inside of me. I could've walked away from this entire thing but I still feel myself wanting to be around her. I still feel myself wanting to be around Lilith. I found myself wanting to experience the love that I never had from a mother, and the lack of treatment that I got from my father. I have learned how to read because he taught me some things on his good days, but then on other days, I would just teach myself certain words. We had an old dictionary around that house that my mother bought for him before I was even born. I remember sifting through those pages day in and day out learning everything I could.

All of these memories sparked one that I remembered in the back of my mind something that was buried. I always read the dictionary because that was the closest I could ever get to her. I would even smell my mother's clothes, that was something I saw my father do. Maybe he did it because he wanted to remember her and keep her close in his heart, or maybe he was just a fool. It was days he could talk about her without trailing off and looking into the distance and then going back to the steel mill. He did all of this for this pale woman, this woman who you would think was white but was albino. This woman could sway you to do anything she wanted just with her charm alone.